Originally created 10/07/01

Ex-wife's invitation should be accepted



Dear Carson: My stepdaughter is getting married. A wedding shower is planned at my husband's ex-wife's house, and my mother and I were asked to attend. Should we accept?

I would go with no question if the shower were to be held somewhere else, but I think I would feel uncomfortable in my husband's ex-wife's home. I've only met her one time, and she wasn't very cordial. - Acceptance Angst

Dear Angst: By all means attend the shower. Your predecessor has extended a gesture of good will toward you, and it would be a serious rebuff with long-range ramifications if you were to refuse.

Weddings and funerals are times when emotions are as fragile as lace, and egos and feelings are easily bruised. I suggest that you swallow your pride and do your best to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

Dear Carson: I was under the impression that I was being invited with a guest to a good friend's wedding. For more than a month the person I have been seeing has been planning to go, and I have been planning to go with him to his friend's wedding later in October. The invitation just arrived and was only addressed to me with no mention of a guest. How do I handle this situation?

I really do not want to go solo. Is it inappropriate to offer to pay for his plate if he can come along? Also, he has been invited to a wedding on that same day, and that invitation includes a guest. It seems to me that our choices are either that I go with him to his friend's wedding or we both end up going alone to different ceremonies.

He is willing to go to my friend's wedding, but if I can't bring him I would rather go with him to his friend's so we can be together, which would upset my friend. What can I do? - Upset over Uninvited

Dear Upset: Etiquette has mandated through the years that one can only ask to bring one's fiance to a wedding to which a single person is invited. However, times have changed. I suggest that you explain your predicament to your bride friend and ask if it would be all right to bring a guest.

Do not offer to pay for his plate. If she refuses, be gracious, but decline and attend the wedding of your beau's friend.

Dear Carson: I do customer-service work, and often a customer sends me a flower or gift as a thank you for a job well done. How should I respond? Do I call or send a thank you note? What is the proper thing to do? - Customer Service Courtesy

Dear CSC: By all means acknowledge the gift, either by writing or telephoning.

Write to Ask Carson, The Augusta Chronicle, P.O. Box 1928, Augusta, GA 30903-1928. Send e-mail to askcarson@home.com. Carson Elliott's Web site is at www.theproperthing.com.