Originally created 09/25/01

Advice line



THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM This boy keeps on feeling on me, and I don't like it. He goes with my best friend. I want to tell her, but he's always around her and is looking at me. The look he gives me is like, "If you tell her, I swear I'll kill you." She's always like, "I love him so much, he makes me so happy, I'd never break up with him for anybody, and if anybody tried to go with him, I'd kill them." I just need help to try to tell the girl how her boyfriend is feeling on me. Please help me. - 15-year-old Aiken girl

Here's what you had to say:

I think you should go to a counselor or something and tell them how you feel, and then go to the boy and tell him how you feel - and tell him to stop. And if he won't stop, you need to go tell the police or somebody that he's harassing you.

I think you should tell her, but you really are going to risk not being her friend anymore. Y'all are going to stop talking, and then maybe later on she'll find out it's true, and y'all will start talking again because she'll apologize to you.

I think you should tell your friend how her boyfriend's been treating you, and if she's a true friend, she'll listen to what you have to say and dump him.

About him feeling on you, I'd be like, "Lay off." About him looking at you like it's a threat, I'd be like, "Is that a threat?," because it'd be just like him saying it. About him always being around her, you're just going to have to say, "Can I have a little talk with her?" If you're a true friend, you have to break it to her. If she's not going to believe you, she'll just have to deal with herself.

First of all, you should stay away from him. And second, is he around her at night? Because if not, you can tell your friend over the phone.

Tell your friend, because friends should be better than that. And if she's truly a friend, she should know. Let the girl see him doing it.

Xtreme reporter Alisa DeMao says: You need to tell somebody, because what he's doing is not only wrong, it might be illegal and against your school's sexual-harassment policy.

First, make sure that you've told him "No" firmly and clearly, so that he can't possibly mistake what you're saying. Don't act embarrassed or shy about it. This is your body, and no one has the right to touch you unless you want it.

If he still doesn't leave you alone, that's harassment, and you need to tell an adult. Your guidance counselor or a trusted teacher can tell you about school policies against harassment. And if he's touching you in a sexual manner - grabbing your breasts or other parts of your body - he could be charged with sexual battery.

Telling your friend might be hard, but she needs to know that he's enough of a dog to hit on one of her friends. And she really needs to know that he doesn't have enough respect for a woman to keep his hands off her when she doesn't want to be touched. He might refuse to take no for an answer from your friend one of these days.

Try to set up a time when you can talk to her without him around - when he's busy doing something else, is in a separate class or at night on the telephone. If it's hard to manage, schedule some "girl time" with her and tell her then. She might be mad - she might even be mad at you, even though that's unfair - but at least you've warned her.

NEXT WEEK'S PROBLEM:

I have a friend who is supposed to wear hearing aides, but he usually takes them out and sticks them in his pockets so no one will see them. I know they are expensive because he just had to replace one he lost this way. He should be wearing them in order to hear in class. I think the only reason he even brings them is so his mom will let him drive. How can we convince him that he is liked no matter what and that no one cares he has to have them or labels him as "different?"

Do you have any advice for this 16-year-old Augusta boy? Call the Advice Line at 442-4444 and press 8614. You'll have one minute to answer.

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