Originally created 09/04/01

Advice line

THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM: When my boyfriend gets mad, he tries to hit me. When he does, he always apologizes and says he's sorry. Should I stay with him, or should I find someone else? - 15-year-old Augusta girl

Here's what you had to say:

I think you should leave him because he shouldn't be hitting you.

You should leave this boy because he has no business putting his hands on someone he's supposed to love.

Girl, get out of the relationship. If he was truly sorry when he says "sorry," he wouldn't have to say it about doing the same thing again.

How much do you value yourself? You're not the one with the problem - he has the problem. But if you let him hit you, and he thinks he can get away with it, he'll not only hit you, he'll do even worse things to you.

Respect yourself, value yourself. Get out of the relationship. If you think you need a boyfriend, find someone who respects you enough to treat you the way he would want to be treated.

I think you should leave him alone and find somebody else. You are not his property. You can find somebody better than him.

If any man is bold enough to put his hands on you, you should not be with him. If his mother taught him right, he was taught that no man should hit a girl. I think you need to leave him alone. And don't just listen to our advice, ask the Lord for help. Find someone else, someone who's going to respect you.

He should not even be thinking about hitting you. He should not take over your life by being abusive to you. That's just not right. You don't deserve that kind of treatment. Trust me, you can find someone else who doesn't have to hit you. Even if he says sorry, he shouldn't have hit you in the first place. Find someone else.

Xtreme reporter Alisa DeMao says: You need to get out of this situation as soon as possible. You could get injured, physically and emotionally. He may say he doesn't mean to hit you, he may say he's sorry - that doesn't change the fact that he does it and that you get hurt.

This is called teen dating violence, and you shouldn't put up with it. You don't deserve to be hit - for any reason - and he should have more respect for you than to think he can get away with it.

Explain to him why you can't be in a relationship with him. If you care about him, the best thing you can do for him is try to show him that he has a problem. He needs to learn to get his anger under control, and he needs to learn that it's never acceptable to express it by hitting.

Meanwhile, talk to a adult you trust - a relative, a teacher, a doctor, a church member - so you have some support. Call a dating violence service for counseling and advice - try (800) 799-SAFE, the National Domestic Violence Hotline, for local referrals. And protect yourself. If you think this guy might cause problems for you after you break up, make sure you're not alone with him.

Next week's problem

I have a 17-year-old boyfriend. We really love each other, and we plan on getting married someday. The only problem is, girls are hitting on him all the time, and I end up taking it out on him. How do I deal with this problem without getting into a fight with my boyfriend or any of the girls?

Do you have any advice for this 15-year-old Augusta girl? Call the Advice Line at 442-4444 and press 8614. You'll have one minute to answer.

Got a problem? Call 442-4444 and press 8613. You'll have one minute to give us your situation. Please speak clearly and state your age and the town you live in.

You also can e-mail your problems to ademao@augustachronicle.com. Put "Advice Line" in the subject line. All e-mail addresses will be kept confidential. Questions may be condensed for space.


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