How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
- Satchel Paige
I ran into an old friend over the weekend and we both commiserated about our latest aches and pains.
"Guess we're getting old," I said.
Well, as luck would have it, a sharp reader passed along a checklist that shows the oncoming signs of age. See what you think.
You're usually interested in going home before you get to where you're going.
You're very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
You smile all the time because you can't hear a word they're saying.
You're aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as your own.
You're wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just your left leg.
MAILBAG: Some more summer vacation postcards.
Peggy and Lu Chastain send a card from Los Angeles.
"Weather is about like Augusta," they write. "We're visiting our son, Paul and family in Corona, Calif. Twin boys are celebrating their eighth birthday, and sister is 3 years old. Are visiting friends we met in Augusta in 1960. They have a pistachio grove. Traffic is like a race track. Scares me."
Larry and Berdia Sherman send a card from the Pelican State. "Understand you have not received a card from Louisiana," they write. "Well, here it is."
Wayne and Nellie Carpenter, of Waynesboro, Ga., send a card from Pigeon Forge, Tenn., showing Dolly Parton. They write: "We are spending our 13th wedding anniversary. The weather is beautiful."
From Fairbanks, Alaska, comes a card from Mr. and Mrs. Dorland O. Campbell of Grovetown, who are attending a grandson's wedding.
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TODAY'S JOKE: A preacher was in the market for a serviceable lawn mower, so he answered a classified advertisement selling one.
He phoned ahead, then went to the house to look over the equipment. A young boy came to the door, then went to the garage and wheeled the lawn mower out.
The preacher bought it on the spot for $25.
Unfortunately, when the reverend took it home, it wouldn't start.
He called the previous owner and soon the little boy he'd seen earlier came peddling his bike down the lane.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Well," the pastor said, "I keep pulling on the starter rope again and again and nothing happens. What can we do?"
"That's easy," the little boy said, "sometimes you just have to cuss at it to get it started."
"Now you listen here," the pastor said indignantly, "I am a man of the cloth, and if I ever did cuss, not saying I have, I've forgotten how to do it after all these years."
"Oh, that's OK, preacher," the little boy said. "You keep on pulling that rope and I guarantee it'll all come back to you."
Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 823-3344, or firstname.lastname@example.org.