Originally created 03/20/01

Take time to proof resume

It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

- Judith S. Martin

The job market is suddenly not so stable. Layoffs are increasing, and for many the future is less certain.

This is probably a good time to point out that you get only one chance to make a first impression, so give that resume a second reading.

Vicky in Evans passes along the following examples from Fortune magazine of people who probably wish they had paid more attention to their work histories.

Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year

Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave

Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.

Failed bar exam with relatively high grades

It's best for employers that I not work with people.

I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice-mail.

My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

Personal interest: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store

Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as "job-hopping" - I have never quit a job.

- Marital status: often. Children: various.

- The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

* * *

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: I might be getting older, but my memory is as sharp as ever. I still remember when my skin used to fit.

* * *

RIDDLE ANSWER: A man went to a party and drank some punch. He left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch died of poisoning. Why didn't the first man? (The poison was in the ice cubes that slowly melted.)

* * *

TODAY'S JOKE: In Heaven, it was decreed that everyone would have an equal opportunity to enter.

St. Peter, a stern traditionalist, did not approve but decided to do his best to comply.

His first opportunity came quickly when a school teacher, a custodian and a lawyer arrived at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter explained that they would each have to answer one question correctly to enter.

To the teacher, he asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into in an iceberg and sank on its maiden voyage?"

"The Titanic," the teacher answered and was allowed in.

St. Peter turned to the custodian and asked, "Did any people die in that shipwreck?"

"Why, yes," he answered, and he was motioned in also.

"OK," St. Peter said, turning to the lawyer, "name them."

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 868-1222, Ext. 107.


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