Originally created 02/20/01

Calm confrontation may ease suspicions



THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM

I think my cousin and my boyfriend have something going on because he always comes over asking for her, and I don't know what to do. Should I confront her, or should I confront him? - 17-year-old Augusta girl

Note: Because of problems with the Infoline system, Xtreme was unable to collect reader responses to this question last week.

Xtreme reporter Alisa DeMao says: First, sit back and try to look objectively at what's going on. Is their behavior inappropriate or is there a reasonable explanation for it? Do they have a friendship, other than their connection through you, that would explain their spending time together? Is insecurity making you more suspicious than you should be?

If you still think something is going on, speak to both of them, but be sure to do it calmly and rationally. Don't attack them or be out of control. Tell each of them: "The amount of time you're spending with the other person is making me uncomfortable. Please tell me what the situation is." Let them know that you feel shut out and that it has the potential to affect your relationship with each of them. You may find that something is going on, but it's better to know for sure than to stay upset and suspicious. That suspicion will eat away at both relationships.

NEXT WEEK'S PROBLEM:

I'm 18, and I'm friends with this 23-year-old. He acts like he likes me, and I really like him and want to go out with him. But I don't know if I should. He's really sweet, though. Should I make the move or let him? Or what do I do?

Do you have any advice for this 18-year-old Aiken girl? Call the Advice Line at 442-4444 and press 8614. You'll have one minute to answer.

Got a problem? Call 442-4444 and press 8613. You'll have one minute to give us your situation. Please state your age and the town you live in.

You can also e-mail your problems to ademao@augustachronicle.com. Put "Advice Line" in the subject line. All e-mail addresses will be kept confidential. Questions may be condensed for space.

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