Originally created 01/02/01

Put away trappings of the past



The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.

- Paul Valery

The party's over.

Put away the noisemakers and forget the 12 days of Christmas. The holidays are done.

Finished.

Deader than a butterball turkey. Flatter than day-old champagne.

Recycle the tree. Remove the wreath from the door and clip the red ribbons from the mailbox.

If there are leftovers in the refrigerator, send them to the garbage can. Any Christmas cookies should be fed to the birds.

Candy's dandy, but don't keep it handy. Most of us could stand to do without.

Remember all those boxes you were saving in case you had to ship out-of-state gifts?

You don't need them now.

Use them to fill up anything red and green and haul it to the curb.

It's time to think about the things to come.

Hopefully, you've still got a New Year's resolution or two unbroken.

Hold the course. Lash the rudder.

It's January, already, the month of limited expectations.

Just think, only four more weeks until February. (See what I mean?)

I even have a motto: "Not too much fun in 2001."

Feel free to use it around the office.

* * *

MANLY TRANSLATIONS: This year will be like the ones before it - men will continue to be misunderstood.

Ruth Tewes, however, offers these translations for what is said ... and unsaid:

When a man says: "Can I help with dinner?"

What he really means is: "Why isn't it on the table?"

When a man says: "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

What he really means is: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

When a man says: "What did I do this time?"

What he really means is: "What did you catch me doing?"

When a man says: "That's interesting, dear."

What he really means is: "Are you still talking?"

When a man says: "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."

What he really means is: Absolutely nothing.

* * *

TODAY'S JOKE: A husband and his wife were traveling through the north Georgia town of LaFayette and - as couples sometimes do - got into an argument about how to pronounce it.

The argument went on as they stopped to eat. Finally the husband said. "I'll settle this."

He turned to a woman at the next table and asked her if she was a local resident.

"All my life," she said cheerfully.

"OK," he said seriously, "will you pronounce the name of this place slowly and distinctly to my wife.

The woman looked carefully at the couple, then said, "Bur-ger King."

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 868-1222, Ext. 107.