Few people think more than two or three times a year.
- George Bernard Shaw
It's the time of year that holiday greetings flood the postal service, and you can bet when they start arriving at your house and my house, some of them will include family newsletters.
You know what I mean - those clever, photocopied missives that pack 12 months of gloating achievement into a narrative so positive you feel depressed that your own little brood had such a lackluster year.
I have often been tempted to try my own hand at familial fiction, but my wife forbids it. I am left to ponder what might have been.
You, however, might not face such constraints. In fact, you might like some ideas on how to put together your own "brag rag."
Well, I'm glad to help.
Just follow the simple format below and choose your own options. Think of it as a gift - from my house to your house to somebody else's house.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS from the (your family name here).
Well, if you haven't heard (husband's name) has (A. been promoted B. wandered off C. been recaptured). We have come to expect as much.
He is, after all, making a lot of (A. decisions B. excuses C. license plates), which should be no surprise to those of you who know him.
Perhaps you have seen him on (A. Who Want's to Be a Millionaire B. Judge Judy C. America's Most Wanted).
As you can probably guess, (son's name) can usually be found at the computer, where he enjoys (A. programming B. surfing C. hacking).
We think he shows a real future in (A. engineering B. sales C. crime).
All his teachers say he is a (A. class act B. class clown C. clown).
Our outgoing (daughter's name) is involved in a number of social activities.
Anyone can tell you that she'll usually be found asking (A. her teachers for more work B. her boss for time off C. strangers for rides).
We think she's leaning toward (A. early graduation B. early maturation C. early probation).
Remember "Fluffy" our pet (A. dog B. cat C. goat)?
Last month, she gave us (A. puppies B. kittens C. a headache).
If you haven't visited in a while, you'll be glad to know we finally got the (A. house B. apartment C. cabin) fixed up and properly (A. decorated B. fumigated C. roofed).
You've got to see it before (A. the holidays end B. rent comes due C. the building inspector).
Despite her own busy schedule, (wife's name) has found time to make (A. speeches to area youth B. eyes at the grocery boy C. sense of it all).
In fact, she barely had a chance to mail this Christmas newsletter before (A. her volunteer shift at the hospital B. falling asleep on the couch C. entering the witness protection program).
But she couldn't let this season pass before wishing you all "Happy (A. holidays!" B. trails!" C. hour!").
Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 868-1222, Ext. 107.