Had the I Dumped Dorsey staff chosen to predict events of the Summer Olympics rather than football games, we might be able to improve our less-than-Olympic record through two weeks.
Well, we might discover the results before they're aired, that way game-winning field goals (Notre Dame), game-winning fumbles returned for touchdowns (Kentucky), and inconceivable safeties (Falcons) wouldn't put our selections on the barbie.
Then again, maybe if we hadn't had SEC officials working for us, we might have lost that Florida-Tennessee game as well. So it all balances out. We've put in calls to Bobby Gaston, the SEC's chief of officials, to find out which teams the league wants to win this weekend, only we couldn't get him on the phone.
He was probably trying to find an angle of Jabar Gaffney's catch/not a catch touchdown to beat the Vols. Hey, we're not complaining, not after xxx folks dumped us in week 2.
The bosses are getting rather jumpy, though, kind of like Bobby Valentine whenever his Mets play the Braves. Everytime they look, they're seeing another box of T-shirts being ordered, and they're not thrilled by it.
Week: 9-6 (5-3 colleges, 4-3 pros).
Overall: 19-11 (10-6 colleges, 9-5 pros).
Times Dumped: (134 last week)
GEORGIA over New Mexico State: Wide margin of victory doesn't erase Columbia debacle.
MISSISSIPPI STATE over South Carolina: Gamecocks find out who let the Dogs out, woof woof!
CLEMSON over Virginia: Woody Dantzler looks more like Joe Hamilton every day.
GEORGIA SOUTHERN over Chattanooga: Adrian Peterson gets to work on breaking SI jinx.
MICHIGAN over Illinois: Tempted to take Illini, but no more going out on a limb.
OHIO STATE over Penn State: More chance the Nittany Lions score nothing than 67 points.
ARKANSAS over Alabama: Mike Dubose spotted at Fayetteville Kinko's working on resume.
OREGON over UCLA: Everybody Duck as the Bruins tumble back to reality.
EAST CAROLINA over Syracuse: Pirates like to squeeze Oranges whenever possible.
WEST VIRGINIA over Miami: We've officially jumped off Canes' Dorsey's bandwagon.
RAMS over Falcons: When last seen in Atlanta, Kurt Warner covered in Super Bowl sprinkles.
49ERS over Cowboys: Two teams a long way from those '90s NFC Championship games.
BUCCANEERS over Jets: Keyshawn now Grohing on Gang Green's nerves.
BRONCOS over Chiefs: Who knew that Brian Griese would be AFC's best QB?
GIANTS over Redskins: Dan Snyder fired his butler, his driver, his gardener this week.