Thankfully, the I Dumped Dorsey staff had a week of scouting the football landscape before being asked to produce. Had we been called on for expert analysis, the results would have been sketchy at best, and our credibility would have immediately been called into question.
We got to watch from afar as overrated Alabama and underrated Toledo each scored 24 points. Vandy scored 30, and lost. Kentucky 34, and lost. Shutouts from South Carolina and Clemson startled, while the Steelers provided no signs of a pulse in not scoring.
Who knew the Bills defense was so ornery? Who figured the Nittany Lions so ordinary?
We knew Michael Vick was electric, but who knew that he carried the thunder and lightning with him, and it fit in the overhead compartment?
Chris Weinke's certainly old, but older than half of the starting quarterbacks in the NFL?
The great thing about football's week one is that we can all throw away those preseason magazines, because their opinions don't hold the weight of the paper its printed on.
A year ago, Dump Dorsey won 74 percent of the games in question, yet surrendered more than 1,500 T-shirts to contestants in the CSRA. In most schools, 74 percent is a low C average, which for the Dump Dorsey benefactors, is unacceptable.
Last year overall: 160-58 (97-32 colleges, 53-28 pros).
GEORGIA over South Carolina: As long as Jasper Sanks doesn't fumble inside the 10 again.
FLORIDA STATE over Georgia Tech: George Godsey, have you been formally introduced to Jamal Reynolds yet?
CLEMSON over Missouri: Going out on a limb, but we're picking the Tigers.
NEBRASKA over Notre Dame: Irish haven't been a home dog by this much since the Gerry Faust days.
MIAMI over Washington: Santana Moss will be too smooth for Huskies to contain.
OLE MISS over Auburn: Will sedate Rebels fans leave the Grove long enough to boo Tommy Tuberville?
OHIO STATE over Arizona: Wildcats have trouble with the bullys of the Big Ten.
SOUTHERN CAL over Colorado: Trojans are tougher than timid Buffalos.
FALCONS over Broncos: One rehabilitated back can run, the other barely can walk to the team bus.
49ERS over Panthers: Don't think the Niners are as bad as advertised.
VIKINGS over Dolphins: Might have to start calling the Metrodome "Daunte's Inferno."
RAMS over Seahawks: Kurt Warner's no fluke, but Jon Kitna certainly is.
RAVENS over Jaguars: NFL's toughest defense opposes an offense with no healthy tackles or running backs.
RAIDERS over Colts: Sebastian Janikowski wins this game late, as long as he avoids Indy nightlife.
TITANS over Chiefs: Tennessee signs Carl Pickens, now they need to throw to him.