Originally created 06/02/00

Children reinterpret Scripture



Kids say the darnedest things.

- Art Linkletter

The season for vacation Bible schools is almost upon us.

It is a special time for many when they learn the books of the Old and New Testaments (in order), a time when they construct complicated crafts with a spiritual theme.

It is also a time for the current generation of TV-watching, video-game-playing, special-effects-loving young people to share their own interpretations of the Bible stories as they think they remember them.

As an example, one reader has passed along the following comments, supposedly recorded as assorted youngsters expressing their biblical learning:

"The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple."

"The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery."

"Moses died before he ever reached Canada."

"In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off."

"Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears."

"Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night."

"Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah."

"Samson slayed the Philistines with the ax of the Apostles."

"Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the 10 amendments."

"Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol."

"The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him."

"David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times."

"Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines."

"When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta."

"St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head."

"Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you."

"He also explained, `A man doth not live by sweat alone.'ƒ"

"The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels."

"The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan."

"St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, another name for marriage."

"A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony."

* * *

TODAY'S JOKE: The doctor took Dan into the room and said, "Son, I have some good news and some bad news."

Always the optimist, Dan said, "Well, give me the good news first"

"OK," said the doctor, "they're going to name a disease after you."

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 868-1222, Ext. 107,.