Originally created 04/28/00

Church bloopers insightful



The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.

-- Joe Ancis

The weekend is drawing nigh, and I imagine we'll see a big drop-off in church attendance after Easter.

That's a shame. Think of all the church bulletin bloopers they'll miss. These were passed along by one reader.

"The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning."

"Tonight's sermon" `What is hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice."

"Among needed items for Vacation Bible School: wooden bowels."

"Ushers will eat late-comers."

"The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment."

"Miss Charlene Mason sang I Will Not Pass This Way Again, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."

"Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your hot dogs and guns. (Friends are welcome!)"

"Missionary from Africa named Bertha Belch is speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Barbara Belch all the way from Africa."

* * * *

MAILBAG: Two local travelers send post cards.

Christine Mitchum sends my first ever from Nancy, the capital of the province of Lorraine.

From Hurricane, Utah, the Parkers of Aiken, send a card showing a horse that made its last trip through Death Valley. They write: "We spent six wonderful weeks in Arizona with lots of sunshine and one week of cold and 14 inches of snow."

* * * *

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened." -- Winston Churchill.

* * * *

TODAY'S JOKE: Comes from Bill Johnson of Augusta.

It seems two old master sergeants were sitting at the bar in the NCO Club talking about their service days, when a fuzzy-faced corporal, who'd never been out of the states, joined them.

They resented his intrusion, and after a few more drinks, one old sergeant reached over and flipped the corporal out of his seat.

He laughed as the younger man got up and said, "That was jujitsu. I picked it up in Vietnam."

The corporal dusted himself off, got back on his stool and again tried to join the conversation.

This time the old sergeant shot out an arm and caught the young man in the side of the head, knocking him to the floor.

"That was karate," he said. "I picked it up when I was in Korea."

The corporal got up, rubbed his head, turned and walked out the door.

He returned quietly about 20 minutes later, walked up behind the old sergeant and swung at his head, knocking him out cold.

"When he wakes up," he told the others at the bar, "tell him that was a `ball-peen' hammer. I picked it up at Tru-Value."

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 868-1222, Ext. 107.