Originally created 02/08/00

Real love means not demanding sex



THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM

"I've been going out with this boy for three months, and he's pressuring me to have sex. I really love him and everything, but I'm not sure I'm ready to have sex. Should I or shouldn't I?" -- 15-year-old Hephzibah girl

Here's what you had to say:

Sex before marriage is never good. It doesn't symbolize love, but rather infatuation. You should know the difference. Your boyfriend is like a stray dog. He doesn't care about your family, beliefs, feelings or life, and, like a dog, he'll only be around as long as you feed him.

You should if you love him.

You can become like those who've lost their virginity any time, but they can't become a virgin again. You're a virgin only once. By the way, I'm a guy and I feel like if you've been going out with him for three months and he already wants sex, he's in it for the sex, not the relationship.

No one can decide if you're ready to have sex except you. You should talk it over with him.

I bet if he really loved you he wouldn't pressure you into doing anything you're not ready for. If you feel you're not ready, that's a good sign you shouldn't be doing it. At 15, you're too young anyway. You really shouldn't do as he says. You should listen to your own heart. It would make your parents much prouder if you wait until marriage.

I had the same problem, and I dumped my boyfriend because I don't want to have sex (I'm only 13).

I do not think you should have sex with him, but it is your own decision. If you choose to, you have to think about the consequences, such as having a baby. Do you really want one of those?

You don't want to have sex at 15. Hold on to the most precious gift you could ever give someone you truly love. Take advice from someone who knows.

Don't be tricked into this. He's just a dog anyway, and once you figure out he doesn't love you either, it's going to hurt for life.

Xtreme reporter Margaret Weston says:

Don't have sex with ANYONE who pressures you, EVER. You'll surely regret it.

Young people are having sex at younger ages, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're ready to handle the repercussions of a physical relationship.

"If someone really cares about you, they'll respect your feelings and wait," said Adair Blackwood, an Augusta psychiatrist. "You need to be very cautious and careful. Once you give yourself away, you can't get it back."

Dr. Blackwood offered some questions to ask yourself before entering a sexual relationship:

Are you mature enough? Is this the person you want to give this really special gift? Are you prepared to deal with the physical and emotional consequences?

If you do make the decision to have sex, you need to protect yourself. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your parents about sex, seek guidance from a friend, counselor or physician about birth control and protection from sexually transmitted diseases.

Abstinence-based education promotes delaying sexual activity until marriage. Some teens take vows of abstinence as a sign of commitment.

NEXT WEEK'S PROBLEM:

"I just broke up with a boy I've been going out with for 10 months. He cheated on me three times, and I cheated on him one time. I thought that was wrong, so I broke up with him. Now he's spreading all these rumors about me, and I've lost my best friend over this."

Do you have any advice for this 14-year-old Augusta girl? Call the Advice Line at 442-4444 and press 8614.

You'll have one minute to answer.

Got a problem? Call 442-4444 and press 8613.

You'll have one minute to give us your situation. Please state your age and the town you live in.

For more information about sex education, check out these Web sites:

www.chienworks.com/caec/index.html from the Community Abstinence Education Council

www.siecus.org from the Sexuality Information & Education Council of the United States

www.teenwire.com from the Planned Parenthood Federation of America