Originally created 01/25/00

Boyfriend's baby has priority in relationship



THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM

"My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months. I knew from the beginning that he had a little girl but I'm having a hard time dealing with it. But I love him and I don't want to leave him alone. How should I deal with his little girl?"

-- 16-year-old Augusta girl

Here's what you had to say:

I think you need to leave him alone because if there's a baby, there's a mama and you don't want to get into that.

You should stay with him because the little girl may grow on you and you might end up liking her. You'll have a better relationship if you accept his daughter.

It is not for you to deal with. It is between him and the baby's mother. You just have to move on with your life. You're only 16, why worry about someone else's child?

If he is your age, he has no business having a little girl. You don't know where he's been or how many women he's been with, and he could be dangerous.

You shouldn't have to deal with his little girl because if you get OK with it, your boyfriend's gonna know you're OK with sex and then he's going to pressure you into that. And you don't want to be another person with a another kid at your age.

You knew from the beginning that he had a little girl, and if you can't deal with her then it's not really a relationship because it's a package deal. If you love him, it doesn't matter how many kids he has. You should communicate with his little girl the same way you would with your own child.

Xtreme reporter Margaret Weston says:

It's perfectly understandable to be uncomfortable with the situation. Most people your age aren't ready to deal with a parental role.

If you are sexually active, your first concern should be birth control. You and this guy don't want have to deal with a similar situation of your own.

If he's a good person -- the kind you'd want to be with in the long run -- he'll fulfill his duties as a father. His first concern, whether you like it or not, should be providing for his child.

NEXT WEEK'S PROBLEM:

"I have a problem with this girl. She thinks I'm cheating, for no reason. I love her with all my heart and I would do anything for her, but she's always spying on me or thinking that I'm doing something wrong."

Do you have any advice for this 16-year-old Augusta boy?

Call the Advice Line at 442-4444 and press 8614.

You'll have one minute to answer.

Got a problem? Call 442-4444 and press 8613.

You'll have one minute to give us your situation. Please state your age and the town you live in.