Everything is funny as long as it's happening to someone else.
-- Will Rogers
Classified advertising is the great community marketplace of newspapers everywhere.
It's simple, democratic and, as they say around the computer store, "interactive."
It also can be funny, as this collection of classified ads from the Midwest points out.
FREE PUPPIES: " 1/2 cocker spaniel -- 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog."
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER: "8 years old. Unpleasant little dog."
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE: "Used only on snowy days."
FREE PUPPIES: "Part German shepherd -- part dog"
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED: "Also 1 gay bull for sale."
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG: "Looks like a rat. Been out awhile. Better be reward."
GEORGIA PEACHES: "California grown -- 89 CENTS LB."
NICE PARACHUTE: "Never opened -- used once."
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? "We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour."
FOR SALE BY OWNER: "Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything."
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TODAY'S RIDDLE: From Seth Bensen.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manual."
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TODAY'S JOKE: From Aimee Elwell.
It seems a preacher observed a woman in the grocery store with a 3-year-old girl in her shopping cart.
As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies, and her mother told her "No." The little girl immediately began to whine, and the mother said quietly: "Now, Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go. Don't be upset. It won't be long."
The preacher passed the mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl was asking for candy.
"There, there, Ellen. Only two more aisles to go," he heard the mother say.
The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out where the little girl immediately began to demand gum.
The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check-out stand in two minutes, and then you can go home."
The preacher followed them to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing," he said, "how patient you were with little Ellen."
The mother looked at him oddly and said, "My little girl's name is Tammy. I'm Ellen."
Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 868-1222, Ext. 107.