Tuesday Morning Quarterback wonders what Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman, America's First Couple, were fighting about. Did she steal his outfit? Were they fighting over the same man?
* What's a bigger fraud: the 8-0 Mississippi State Bulldogs; William Avery's playing time; or Bob Davie as Notre Dame savior.
* Interview of the year: Forget Jim Gray-Pete Rose, did you catch Chris Rock and Don King on HBO Friday night? It aired live, the same night that three IBF officials were indicted for fixing fights.
Rock: "So Don, with all the indictments handed down today, can you tell us why is boxing so corrupt?"
King, laughing: "Boxing ain't corrupt, man."
Rock: "Boxing ain't corrupt? That's like saying hot sauce ain't hot."
* The Now I've Seen Everything file expanded this weekend with three goofy field goal attempts at the Georgia Southern-Furman game Saturday.
On the first, the Eagles blocked a field goal and returned it for a touchdown, only to have it called back for holding. I've never seen a kick-block team called for holding while rushing a field goal.
And the funniest moment of the weekend came on the game's deciding kick. Furman's John Keith, he of the 17 tackles Saturday, tried to time the snap but started a couple seconds to soon. Rather than plow into the line, Keith leapfrogged both lines, almost landing in holder's Chris Johnson's lap.
When the laughter ceased, four officials threw flags. But in true Southern Conference style, the officials conferred and waived off the offsides.
Deadpanned Southern coach Paul Johnson: "I guess he didn't get enough penetration."
* After Chris Chambers' 28-yard field goal went through, Paul Johnson ran out to midfield to try and prevent a massive celebration, even though time had expired. His logic: He didn't want to test the fates of an unsportsmanlike conduct flag.
The officiating was shoddy for such an important game, and Johnson rightfully made some classic fine-inducing statements, all within earshot of commissioner Albert White.
"We had 17 penalties, and I'm going to enjoy finding them for the first time on film," Johnson said.
* Clemson's Tommy Bowden wins Quote of the Week honors after his Tigers thrashed Duke 58-7: "This reminds me of the '80s when we used to come here on two buses and leave on two buses and three ambulances."
* Further proof that there is too much airspace in the television age: The Nashville Network, bastion for Roller Derby, Dallas and Dukes of Hazzard reruns, will air six lawn mower races the next six weeks, starting Nov. 14. Take Geronimow to edge Mr. Mow It All and Sodzilla by a blade.
So it begs the question, when is lawn mower season coming to Augusta? River races, barrel horse races, lawn mower races. Quite the chamber of commerce three-team parlay.
* And in case you missed it, FOX televised the finals of a bass fishing tournament Sunday. FOX believes fishing is the next NASCAR. Let's just hope the bass aren't dipped in Quaker State before they're shipped to Captain D's, though with Captain D's, you never know.
How does one televise fishing and make it interesting? Here's one theory: Bass Cam. Coleman Cooler Cam. Bait Cam. Glowing neon blue for every fish, like FOX did with the hockey puck.
And if that fails, get the two fishermen two throw casts at each other.
* Maybe Casey Martin should ask Derrick Coleman to drive his cart around the PGA Tour.
* Wilt the Stilt. Payne Stewart. Sweetness. Greg Moore. Max Patkin. Hey death, do you think you could take it easy on us the next six weeks. Not sure how much grief we've all got left.
Reach Rick Dorsey at (706) 823-3219.
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