Originally created 11/05/99

It's hard to say what you mean



Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

-- George Carlin

I want to thank the dozen or so of you who passed along this long list of examples of bad newspaper headlines.

Like we tell doctors at social gatherings, "We print our mistakes; you bury yours."

Anyway, the following are some examples of a newspaper not exactly saying what it meant to say.

See what you think.

Patient at death's door; doctors pull him through

Queen Mary having bottom scraped

March planned for next August

L.A. voters approve urban renewal by landslide

Women's movement called more broad-based

Prostitutes appeal to pope

Lawyers give poor free legal advice

Juvenile court to try shooting defendant

Fund set up for beating victim's kin

Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years

Autos killing 110 a day; let's resolve to do better

20-year friendship ends at altar

Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say

William Kelly, 87, was Fed secretary

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RIDDLE ANSWER: A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins. How could this be so?

(ANSWER: They were triplets.)

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "If you burn your neighbor's house down, it doesn't make your house look any better." -- Lou Holtz

TODAY'S JOKE:

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a major trial.

"Officer," he asked, "did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

"No," said the policeman, "but he matched the description provided by a fellow officer."

"Do you trust your fellow officers?" the attorney asked warily.

"Yes, sir," said the officer, "with my life."

"Well," said the attorney, "Let me ask you this. Do you have a locker room in the police station?"

"Yes, sir, we do," the policeman said.

"And do you have a locker in that room?" the attorney asked.

"Yes, sir," said the policeman.

"And do you have a lock on your locker?" the attorney asked.

"Yes, sir," the policeman said.

"Now, why is it," the attorney asked smugly, "that you trust your fellow officers with your life, but find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?"

"Well, you see sir," the policeman answered, "we share the building with a court complex and sometimes defense attorneys walk through that room."

Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 868-1222, Ext. 107.