If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you.
-- Al Bundy
In her leisure time, my wife enjoys driving around looking at new houses. We have no plans to move; she just likes to look.
My 5-year-old son and I accept this but do not understand it -- just another of those mysterious differences between men and women.
In fact, one observant reader has sent along a whole laundry list of the differences between genders. See what you think:
HANDWRITING -- Men do not decorate their penmanship. They chicken-scratch. Women dot their i's with circles and hearts and use ridiculously large loops on p's and g's.
WEDDINGS -- When talking about a wedding, women talk about "the ceremony." Men talk about the bachelor party.
GARAGES -- Women use garages to park the car. Men use garages to keep stuff.
TELEPHONES -- Men consider telephones as a communications tool available for sending and receiving short messages. A woman can visit a girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and will talk for three hours.
CHILDREN -- A woman knows her children, their likes and dislikes, hopes and fears and favorite toys. A man is vaguely aware there are some short people living in the house.
* * *
TODAY'S RIDDLE: If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburgh to pick up seven more people and drop off five passengers and at Cleveland to drop off eight passengers and pick up four more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, how tall is the driver?
* * *
TODAY'S JOKE: Comes from Seth Benson:
A farmer and his frugal wife went to the county fair every fall.
Every time, the farmer would tell his wife how much he wanted to take an open-cockpit airplane ride. And every year she would reply, "I know, but that airplane ride costs $10, and $10 is $10."
This continued year after year. Finally, the farmer became frustrated.
"I'm 76 years old," he told his wife one day. "If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."
But his wife held firm: "That airplane ride costs $10, and $10 is $10."
She said it so loud, the airplane's pilot overheard them.
"Folks, I'll make you a deal," he said. "I'll take you both up for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire flight and not say one word, I won't charge you. But if you say one word, it's $10.
The couple agreed, and soon all three were airborne.
The pilot wanted to give the old fellow a thrill so he began to take the plane through all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard.
He repeated his tricks several times, still not a word.
They landed, and the pilot turned back and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
"Well," said the farmer, "I was tempted when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10."
Reach Bill Kirby at (706) 868-1222, Ext. 107.