Originally created 09/14/99

Adviceline: Lies won't help girlkeep her boyfriend



THIS WEEK'S PROBLEM: I lied to my boyfriend and told him I was pregnant, and now I don't know what to do. -- 16-year-old girl, Augusta

YOUR ADVICE

First of all, I wonder why you would lie to your boyfriend and tell him you're pregnant. The second part is you're going to have to be honest with him sooner or later because he's going to find out. The best thing you can do is tell him the truth and give him some explanation and hopefully he'll understand.

You shouldn't do things like that to get attention. That's not a nice way to get attention. Things that go around come around.

Well, you can either lie to him and tell him you had a miscarriage and keep playing it off. Or you could do the honest thing and tell him you lied and risk losing him. You've got to decide which is more important: honesty or getting what you want.

First of all you shouldn't have told your boyfriend that you're pregnant. You need to sit down with him and talk about it. If you go around telling boys you're pregnant, you'll make yourself to be something you're not. If your boyfriend really loves you, he'll understand.

I just can't stop thinking about this! How could you do something like that? If I lied to my boyfriend and told him I was pregnant but really wasn't, he'd literally try to kill me. He's not going to ever trust you again, and he might not even speak to you again.

Well, you've got what's coming to you. Would you have liked for him to lie to you and told you he got some other girl pregnant when he really didn't? If you think that's a cure, it's not. It's not right to try to keep him with a baby.

Xtreme reporter Margaret Weston's response:
OK, first you need to do some heavy soul-searching about why you felt the need to lie to your boyfriend -- especially about something as serious as pregnancy.

Ask yourself why you're trying to hold on to him. It may have something to do with your own insecurity about the relationship and a lack of communication.

Using such tactics is a type of control -- not the most healthy, to say the least. Manipulating your boyfriend's feelings by threatening him with a pregnancy is wrong -- to him and to yourself.

It's time to come clean and be honest. Figure out why you lied, and maybe you can explain to him. Communication is key.

Since you are sexually active, here's another word of advice: Be careful and protect yourself from both pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Otherwise, what you may be crying wolf about could become a reality.

NEXT WEEK'S PROBLEM

I guess for the last couple of years I've been really depressed. Every day it's a constant battle for me to try to pull out of it, but every time something kind of drops me back down. Everyone tells me you start each day the way you want to, but for some reason I just can't buy that -- it's not that easy.

Do you have any advice for this 19-year-old Augusta woman? Call the Advice Line at 442-4444 and press 8614. You'll have one minute to answer. Got a problem? Call 442-4444 and press 8613. You'll have one minute to give us your situation. Please state your age and the town you live in.