Originally created 08/18/99

Definitions can imitate modern life



In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had 500 years of democracy and peace and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.

-- Orson Welles

The world is changing more quickly than we can keep up.

Culture mutates. Action coagulates.

Interaction frustrates.

Words, for instance, don't mean what they used to.

The Washington Post has come up with these definitions that modify the modern life:

"Abdicate" -- To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

"Lymph" -- To walk with a lisp.

"Coffee" -- A person who is coughed upon.

"Rectitude" -- The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

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MAILBAG: Will and Virginia Dent, children of Jerry and Vera Lynn Dent send a vacation postcardfrom Egypt. They write: "We thought you would be pleased to know that we are doing our part to increase the circulation of The Augusta Chronicle. Today we took the front page inside the burial chamber of the Great Pyramid of Giza. We are also doing our part to help out your circulation in Malta, Israel, Egypt, Turkey, Greece and Spain."

Closer to home, Rickey Jones sends a card from Windy Gap in the mountains of North Carolina.

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SUNDAY'S RIDDLE: The trick to the long puzzle, according to Kris in Martinez, was this -- no matter which two numbers you choose, you'll always wind up with the letter "D." There are few countries that begin with "D," so most people pick Denmark. Likewise, kangaroo is the most common animal with "K," and orange is the color with "O."

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding.

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TODAY'S JOKE: Comes from Ruth Tewes.

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch, and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie.

As he was about to eat, three motorcycles pulled up outside. The bikers came in, and one grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger out of his hand and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie.

The truck driver didn't say a word. He simply got up, paid the cashier and left. When he was gone, one biker snickered, "He wasn't much of a man." And the other bikers laughed.

"Not much of a driver, either," said the cashier, looking past them and out the window. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."

Bill Kirby can be reached at (706) 868-1222, Ext. 107, or bkirby@augustachronicle.com.