Originally created 06/04/99

Qualities of a Jedi are regional

The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

-- Eden Phillpotts

Seen Star Wars, yet?

I haven't, but I've watched enough "highlights" to sort of figure out what happens.

No doubt it's the big movie of the summer and its products seem to be in every store.

And here comes Pete Galt with a test to gauge another Star Wars angle.

"You might be a Redneck Jedi if..."

You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

At least one wing of your spaceship is primer colored.

You have a Confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

POST CARDS: Sandra and Shirley Johnson send greetings from Idaho with a card that tells me the state flower is syringa. They also sent a similar card showing the state of Oregon.

Wesley Fulgham sends a card from Kentucky, where he is "passing through Paducah." (I lived there for two years when I was very small, Wesley.)

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "For every problem there is a solution which is simple, clean and wrong."

-- Henry Louis Mencken.

RIDDLE ANSWER: A man is wearing black. Black shoes, socks, trousers, jumper, gloves and hat. He is walking down a black street with all the street lamps off. A white car is coming toward him with its lights off but somehow manages to stop in time. How did the driver see the man? (The answer, which many of you pointed out: It was broad daylight.)

TODAY'S JOKE: Comes from Beverly in Martinez.

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand -- Mrs. Jones, a prim, proper 85-year-old.

"Mrs. Jones," he said, "do you know me?"

"Indeed I do," she responded. "I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when in fact you're drowning in debt.

"Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

"Why yes, I do," she continued. "I used to baby-sit Mr. Bradley for his parents. He's been a real disappointment, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He's never sustained a healthy relationship and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

The judge rapped the noisy courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench.

And in a low but menacing tone, he said, "If either of you asks Mrs. Jones if she knows who I am, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

Bill Kirby can be reached at (706) 868-1222, Ext.107, orbkirby@augustachronicle.com.


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