Originally created 05/07/99

Medical merriment abounds



If you obey all of the rules, you miss all of the fun.

-- Katharine Hepburn

The medical college has its big graduation this weekend, so what better time to pass along these suggestions from Beverly in Martinez and her friend, Peggy.

They are "Things You'd Rather Not Hear in Surgery":

"Better save that. We'll need it later."

"We're going to need a mop."

"Accept this sacrifice, O Lord of Darkness."

"Come back with that! Bad dog!"

"Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?"

"The floor's clean, right?"

"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em."

"That's cool! Now, can you make his leg twitch?"

"What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?"

* * *

RIDDLE ANSWER: A man is looking at a photo. His friend asks him who is in the picture.

He replies: "Brothers and sisters, I have none. But that man's (in the photo) father, is my father's son. Who is in the picture? (It's the man's son, right?)

* * *

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

* * *

After last Friday's column about the Emory University researchers and their experiments with "Peeps" Easter candy, Kathy Mertz of Edgefield, sends along this note:

"If you can explain to your boss that the laughter he hears is just for follow-up research on a column, I would recommend that you visit the following Web site: www.pcola.gulf.net/rving/bunnies/index.html.

"This shows various tests that those unfortunate marshmallow bunnies have endured, and finally their most recent revenge.

"Those researchers at Emory are obviously amateurs in experimenting with Peeps. As you will observe in the Update link, Marshmallow Bunnies are tops!"

(Kathy, you're right. This is an interesting site. Some people have way too much time on their hands, don't they?)

* * *

TODAY'S QUOTE: "The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep." -- Former Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live.

* * *

TODAY'S JOKE: More medical humor. This one comes from Ruth Tewes.

It seems an agitated patient was stomping around the psychiatrist's office, running his hands through his hair, almost in tears.

"Doctor, my memory's gone. Gone! I can't remember my wife's name. Can't remember my children's names. Can't remember what kind of car I drive. Can't remember where I work. It was all I could do to find my way here."

"Calm down," said the doctor. "How long have you been like this?"

"Like what?" the man asked.

Bill Kirby can be reached at (706) 868-1222, Ext. 107, or bkirby@augustachronicle.com.