It's Friday, and time for a regular installment of Ask Bill.
Dear Bill: (Today) is Abraham Lincoln's birthday. Is Lincoln County named for him?
Answer:No. Lincoln County was created years before the 16th president was born. It was named after Benjamin Lincoln, a Revolutionary War general.
Dear Bill: Anything else happen around here on this date?
Answer: In 1861, this newspaper reported Augusta's biggest civic problem of the day -- hogs were running wild in the streets.
Dear Bill: Politicians in Atlanta are talking about suing gun manufacturers for the harm done with their products. What do you think?
Answer: The Constitution is firm on the right to bear arms, so the solution seems obvious.
Guns don't kill people -- bullets kill people.
The Constitution does not guarantee the right to own bullets.
They could always try to ban them.
Dear Bill: Will that work?
Answer: Probably not. Gun laws, for the most part, don't work.
Dear Bill: What are five things you never hear a Southerner say?
1. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex."
2. "We don't keep firearms in this house."
3. "Wrestling's fake."
4. "Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams."
5. "Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla."
Dear Bill: What was the answer to Wednesday's riddle?
Answer: What two words contain the most letters? ("post office").
Dear Bill: So Clinton's going to get off, huh?
Answer: I told my barber five months ago they'd never nail him.
Dear Bill: So do you have any predictions on the Braves?
Answer:They will be lucky to make the playoffs. No pitcher will win 20.
Dear Bill: Heard any good jokes lately?
Answer: Sure. Two moonshiners were heading back to the hills after spending their earnings on store-bought beer when they noticed a police roadblock ahead.
"We're caught now," one said.
"Don't worry," his pal responded, "we just need to peel the labels off these beer bottles and stick them on our foreheads. Then let me do the talking."
Which is what they did.
And when they reached the roadblock, the sheriff poked his head inside, wrinkled up his nose and asked, "You boys haven't been drinking, have you?"
"No, sir," one said, pointing to the label on his forehead. "We're on the patch."
© 2017. All Rights Reserved. | Contact Us