Originally created 01/20/99

'Cold' not same for everyone

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.

-- A.A. Milne

I could understand her confusion.

She thought I had said "17," when actually I had said "70."

I had been talking about January temperatures, and there was no reason for my sister, stuck in Midwestern snow, to think otherwise.

Cold, you see, is relative.

I know because someone has passed along this helpful chart to help us understand that winter is viewed differently elsewhere. See what you think.

65 degrees -- Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night.

60 degrees -- Californians put on sweaters.

50 degrees -- Miamians turn on heat.

45 degrees -- Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts.

40 degrees -- You can see your breath.

38 degrees -- Minnesotans go swimming.

35 degrees -- Californians weep pitiably.

32 degrees -- Water freezes.

25 degrees -- Ohio water freezes.

24 degrees -- Minnesotans eat ice cream.

21 degrees -- Canadians go swimming.

20 degrees -- Politicians begin to talk about the homeless.

15 degrees -- Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

10 degrees -- You need jumper cables to get the car going.

Zero -- Alaskans put on T-shirts.

-15 degrees -- You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.

-20 degrees -- Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you.

-22 degrees -- Politicians actually do something about the homeless.

-25 degrees -- Minnesotans button top button.

-40 degrees -- Canadians put on sweaters.

-50 degrees -- Alaskans close the bathroom window.

-60 degrees -- Congressional hot air freezes.

-80 degrees -- Hell freezes over.

-90 degrees -- Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

TODAY'S RIDDLE: What five-letter English word does not change its pronunciation when four letters are taken away?

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions."

-- Beverly Butler

TODAY'S JOKE: A shopkeeper was dismayed when a new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign that read "Best Deals."

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading "Lowest Prices."

The shopkeeper panicked until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read: "MAIN ENTRANCE."

Bill Kirby can be reached at (706) 868-1222, Ext. 107, or bkirby@augustachronicle.com.


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