Originally created 11/27/98

Test reveals if you're a java junkie



No pressure, no diamonds. -- Mary Case

One thing I begin to do this time of year is drink more coffee.

I guess it starts with the cooler mornings and chillier nights.

Thanksgiving helps, too, because that means I will be spending time at family events eating, and drinking coffee afterward.

Do I drink too much? Do you?

Well, there are several ways to tell. Why not take the following test and see if you think you overindulge when it comes to our favorite caffeine drink?

Do you have to watch videos in fast-forward?

Are you Employee of the Month at the local coffee house and don't even work there?

Has Juan Valdez named a donkey after you?

Does instant coffee take too long to make?

Have you completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit?

Is your only source of nutrition from Sweet & Low?

Have you worn out the handle on your favorite mug?

Does that couple in the Taster's Choice commercial want to adopt you?

Are you so wired you pick up AM radio?

Is your birthday a national holiday in Brazil?

Do you soak your dentures in coffee overnight?

Do you call your spouse "CoffeeMate?"

Do you short out motion detectors?

When someone asks, "How are you?" do you say, "Good to the last drop"?

Dick Reville of Martinez writes: "Reference your column of 11/11/98. The following is not necesarily all political, but I thought you might find them entertaining.

Christianity: You have two cows, and you give one to your neighbor.

Communism: You have two cows, the government takes both of them and gives you the milk.

Fascism: You have two cows, the government takes both of them and sells you the milk.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows, the government takes both of them, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.

Capitalism: You have two cows, you sell one of them and buy a bull."

Today's Joke: Comes from Everett A. Fernandez.

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. They passed a cop, however, and he got pulled over.

The policeman handed him the citation and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding. But I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

"Ummm, yeah ..." the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch all the fish?"

Bill Kirby can be reached at (706) 868-1222, Ext. 107, or bkirby@augustachronicle.com.