Excuse me, but I'll soon be moving on to a new line of work. You see, I've discovered lots of ways to MAKE MONEY FAST.
I didn't even have to look very hard to find them. They just keep turning up in my e-mail.
In the last few days alone, I've gotten great advice on: How to get my Web site noticed! How to reach 1 million people inexpensively! How to boost my sales!
Think that's good? Ha, wait till you hear about this. I've been guaranteed $5,000 worth of credit with a major offshore lender.
No credit check or income verification. No Social Security number required. Bad credit, no credit, or even bankruptcy - no problem.
And get this: "BEST OF ALL ... You may NEVER AGAIN have to pay for anything you charge!"
Yup, it says so right there in black-and-white pixels. I'll be able to charge things and not pay for them. Isn't that great? I wonder if my bank will let me charge my mortgage.
Now I know what you're thinking. This is too good to be true, you figure. I, too, was skeptical.
But then I thought, what the heck; it's free money. Why be skeptical when I could be eating a free dinner at a fancy restaurant?
Since I'll soon be able to charge things and not pay the bills, I won't actually have to work anymore. But having a little job, just to keep me busy, might not be a bad idea. So I'm looking into some of these other FANTASTIC OPPORTUNITIES!
Here's one promising a free money-making software program. "Just direct people to your FREE Web page and get $$$ in the mailbox. Simple and easy to do."
I think I could handle that. Makes this other offer of a chance to win $100 look like a cheap rip-off.
And check out this once-in-a-lifetime shot at learning to turn classified advertising into a money machine.
"With these little-known secrets, you can easily double or triple your response! Imagine yourself opening your mail ... or listening to your messages ... and being flooded with response!"
They even give you one of the super-selling secrets for free. "The secret is to create an ad that's so strong - so compelling - that your prospects find it simply irresistible!" Wow, what a concept.
Here's another one offering part-time work paying $2,500 a week. Let's see, that's $130,000 a year. OK, maybe a little less because I'm planning on taking a lot of vacations.
"This is a ground-floor opportunity. Work on-line with your computer and reap huge profits from a virtually untapped market!"
Even someone from an unskilled profession like mine should be able to make money in an uptapped market, don't you think? Look out Bill Gates.
Speaking of vacations, I already know how I'll be spending those. Another e-mail will help me "discover the best-kept secrets that only the well-connected people and insiders know about."
"No one should be without this info. You can't afford not to!! This is the real thing. No joke!"
Well, there you go. It's the real thing, no joke.
How to travel for free, how to buy homes and land for a few dollars, how to get a free Cadillac or other luxury car every other year. Wait till I tell my friends!
Special reports on how to get the free goodies only cost $20 each. I wonder if they'll take my offshore credit card for payment.
So, as you can see, I won't need to be coming to the office any longer. Too much money to make! Too many fantastic opportunities! Got to get in on the ground floor!
And to think, some people don't appreciate getting all this great stuff in their e-mail.