Departing officials get two very different celebrations
City Ink
By Sylvia Cooper| Columnist
Sunday, December 16, 2007

Outgoing Augusta commissioners Andy Cheek , Bernard Harper and Marion Williams will be honored with a noon reception at the Old Government House and presentations from the city at Tuesday's commission meeting, their last.

Then, from 4:30 to 7 p.m., some folks will celebrate Mr. Cheek's and Mr. Williams' departure with a party at Sheehan's Irish Pub on Central Avenue.

An Abbott and Costello Show poster advertising the party shows Mr. Cheek's and Mr. Williams' faces on Bud Abbott's and Lou Costello's bodies.

The words on the poster are: "After 8 years on the ARCC, the Abbott and Costello show finally comes to an end. No more drag strips no more Cheek Creeks."

JUST WAIT TILL NEXT YEAR: The Marble Palace is buzzing with talk of revisiting the 2008 budget and tax increase once three of the commissioners who voted for it are gone and three new members take their places. But that's probably just talk.

Another hot topic is doing away with the Coliseum Authority and putting it under city management. Although local legislative delegation Chairman Quincy Murphy soft pedaled his comments to The Chronicle that the delegation would "look into" the authority, etc., others are talking tougher.

The delegation would have to agree to abolish or restructure the authority after receiving a resolution from commissioners. Commissioner Joe Bowles is ready to introduce one because in February, the bonds will be paid off, freeing up $1.2 million a year nobody wants to see the authority get its hands on.

Things are so bad over there, an employee went to the doctor and was told the insurance company would not pay the bill because the insurance premium hadn't been paid. And the facility lost thousands on the Dec. 6 country concert manager Flash Gordon promoted in-house.

With unofficial word that HUD has approved the sale of the Gilbert Manor property, city officials are also talking about putting a $10 million or so general obligation bond before voters so they can buy the property from the Augusta Housing Authority and give it to the Medical College of Georgia.

Although some say the MCG Foundation has more money than God and should buy the property and give it to MCG, others say Augusta has to step up and do whatever it takes to keep the medical college here.

I COULD WRITE A BOOK: Just about everybody says that. I say it, too. But then I stop and ask myself, Who would want to read it? And I never can think of an answer, which has proved to be a great impediment.

Anyway, because things have slowed down on the government news beat lately, I thought I'd get started and see whether any of you would read it. So here goes.

MURDER BY POLITICS: Princess Augusta's body lay cold in a pool of blood on the marble floor of the ancient cathedral. Or should it be, "Princess Augusta's cold body lay in a pool of blood on the ancient marble floor of the cathedral."? No. No. That's too cliche. What about Princess Augusta's ancient body lay cold on the marble floor of the cathedral. She was obviously dead.

Obviously. Otherwise she wouldn't be cold. Strike, "She was obviously dead." Say, "Princess Augusta's ancient body lay cold on the marble floor of the cathedral. The breath of life had left her bosom." Oh, that will never do.

Try this: "Princess Augusta's ancient body lay cold on the marble floor of the cathedral. Her lifeless bosom no longer heaved with life." You can't use "lifeless" and "life" in the same sentence. Besides, who says "bosom" any more? Let's go on with the next sentence and come back to that.

"Her arms were flung above her head, her blond hair, now matted with blood, fell across her pale face." Or would it be better to say, "Her blond hair, now matted with blood, fell across her pale face."? Let's go on to the detective. What shall we call him? Sherlock comes to mind, but that won't do. We'll call him Sir Frederick Russell of the Marble Palace Police.

"Sir Frederick cradled the bowl of his pipe in his pale hand and stared down at Princess Augusta before asking, "How long has she been like this?"

"Ever since the emissaries of her evil sisters Athena and Savannah did conspire to steal her healing palace, also known as The Medici Collegium of Georgiana," replied Archduke Copenhaver, the master of all he surveys. (I think I'm getting the hang of this book writing.)

"How so?" Sir Frederick asked, poking the edge of Princess Augusta's white fur robe with the toe of his fine Italian leather shoe. Gucci, I think.

"Through sleight of hand, chicanery, bribery and every other underhanded trick you can think of, sir."

"Was a physician called to attend her when she sickened?" Sir Frederick asked.

"A Dr. Broun from Athena's province called, and although his bedside manner was exemplary, his cure did not work," the Archduke replied. "She needed her own physician who unfortunately could not heal himself and expired."

"Could you not appeal to the King of Atlantis, Perdue of Bonaire?" Sir Frederick inquired.

"Alas, Sir Frederick, he's on Athena's side and Princess Augusta could not pay his ransom."

"Woe is us! Alas! Can Princess Augusta not be revived?"

"Only with God's help and a miracle transfusion of cash."

"Then, therefore, let us go to the people and float a bond!"

End of Page 1

MAYOR DEKE COPENHAVER'S environmental messages might be lost on some, but not on second-grader Amanda Crisp. She couldn't stand to see the amount of waste at her C.T. Walker Traditional Magnet School, so she wrote a letter to the mayor asking that something be done.

The mayor admitted that his mailbox is often full of letters, but this one stuck out.

The conservation-conscious Copenhaver made sure that Amanda's school was fully equipped with all the proper recycling bins it could handle.

"You've created a whole school of environmentalists," he told her as he gave her the first Mayor's Child of Vision Award last week.

Amanda thanked her mom for proofreading the letter and her neighbor for the stamp and she assured everyone that she recycled the letter she received from the mayor.

City Ink thanks Greg Gelpi for his contribution to this column.

Reach Sylvia Cooper at (706) 823-3228 or sylvia.cooper@augustachronicle.com.

From the Sunday, December 16, 2007 edition of the Augusta Chronicle
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