Woman can refuse to discuss political topics

Dear Carson: I have developed a friendship with a woman I work with and also see socially with my husband. Lately, it seems that every time we get together she and her husband bring up politics. At a recent party, a member of her family became very aggressive with me about my support of our president. I always felt that a social gathering is not the place to discuss politics or religion. Because my husband and I have been repeatedly attacked on politics with this couple, we are now making excuses to spend less time with them. Can you give me any tactful way around this subject? - Political Pressure

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Dear Pressure: I would simply refuse to engage by saying, "I'll accept your opposing views and you accept mine'' or "Let's agree to disagree and drop the discussion."

Dear Carson: Several months ago, I held a discussion in my home to raise money for a charity. I served coffee, soft drinks and cookies. Two things occurred that really irked me. One woman arrived late and when I asked whether I could get her coffee or a coke, she ordered a cup of hot tea and I left for the kitchen to brew her cup of tea. After the meeting was over, a man got a napkin and helped himself to 10 cookies to take home to his family. I would've liked to have had some of these cookies left for my own cookie jar.

Again, I was a wimp and a milquetoast to stand by and watch him raid my refreshment table of a selection of cookies. Please suggest a polite but firm rejoinder should this happen again. - Host to Heinous Guest

Dear Host: In the first incident you might have said, "Tea is not on the menu, but I can bring you coffee or Coke. Please take a seat because the meeting has begun." Say this in a light way and with a smile. For the cookie monster, I would take the napkin of cookies from him and say, "Thanks for help with the cleanup but I can manage." If he says he wants them for his family, you might say "The refreshments are not for takeout."

Dear Carson: What is the proper etiquette for the newspaper wedding announcement when the father of the bride has passed away. Is it "Mrs. Ronald Smith" or "Mrs. Linda Smith"? - Wedding Wording Worry

Dear WWW: It is "Mrs. Ronald Watkins Smith announces the engagement of her daughter Jane Justice Smith to Reginald Walker Downs. Miss Smith is also the daughter of the late Ronald Watkins Smith."

Dear Carson: I am a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. Should I take a gift for her to a party her parents are giving in their home? - Bride's Maid Befuddlement

Dear BMB: No, it is not necessary.

Write to Ask Carson, The Augusta Chronicle, P.O. Box 1928, Augusta, GA 30903-1928. Send e-mail to AskCarson@comcast.net. Carson Elliott's Web site is www.theproperthing.com.

--From the Sunday, August 1, 2004 printed edition of the Augusta Chronicle