Kids say the darndest things, and many of them can cause a parent's neck hair to stand on end. Among the worst are, "The toilet has exploded." or "I have a report due on War and Peace tomorrow morning. Can you run me over to the bookstore?"

But one of the scariest things a kid can say to a parent is, "Mom, I want to start a garage band."

"That sounds wonderful," I said the day Brandon uttered those terrifying words. "But we don't have a garage."

"Yeah," he said, surveying our little one-story ranch. "I guess it would have to more of a living room band. Maybe we could move the couch out of the way, and are you really attached to this china cabinet?"

"I have an idea. How about a garage barbershop quartet?"

"Mom!"

"If you're going to be in a band, it's customary that you be able to play a musical instrument," I reminded him.

"I'm trying to decide what instrument I want to learn to play," he said.

Please, I prayed to myself, please don't let it be drums.

"Jethro Tull played a pretty mean flute," I suggested.

"Who is Jethro Tull?" he asked blankly.

I couldn't talk him into the flute; he chose the guitar. He and his friends had T-shirts, a Web site and groupies before any of them had played a note of music.

"Now we need to think of a name," Brandon said.

"How about the Mimes?" I suggested. "You could have this very quiet show where you pretend to play instruments."

He didn't go for that, and before I knew it, I was a band mom. There are a few facts that all future band moms need to know:

1. Your house will become an obstacle course of cables, wires and amplifiers that seem to multiply overnight. Unobstructed vacuuming is a thing of the past.

2. Your child's influences will not be the nostalgic music of your yesteryears. He or she will emulate bands with terrifying names such as the Insane Clown Posse. When the band practices, it will sound like a posse of insane clowns, only 10 times louder.

3. You'll no longer be just a mother; you'll be a roadie. Expect to develop enormous forearms.

4. The band always ends up practicing at your house.

Brandon has been in one band or another now for nearly four years, and it's been like a continuous episode of VH1's Behind the Music. Bands break up over creative differences. Girlfriends are bitterly accused of being Yoko Onos. Members get strung out on Mountain Dew and Milky Way bars.

Now that Brandon is 18, his raucous rock life has settled down. He's been in the same band for a while and they sound really good. It's fun to be band mom going to gigs and cheering him on as he's made the transition from the garage to the stage.

As nice as it is, I'm still nervous that Brandon will one day say the thing that will make my heart skip a beat.

"Mom, I'm going to quit school to be a rock 'n' roll star."

Turns out there are much worse things than a harmless little garage band.

Augusta resident Karin Gillespie is the author of bet Your Bottom Dollar. Reach her at www.karingillespie.com.