I write books for a living, and some people think an author's life is all caviar and champagne buckets when, in fact, it's more likely to be pork rinds and Kentucky Fried Chicken buckets. As an author, however, I'm allowed the occasional trappings of glamour. While on tour, my publisher, Simon and Schuster, puts me up in chi-chi hotels such as the Ritz Carlton or the Peabody.
For a couple of weeks out of the year, I enjoy a whirlwind of fancy restaurants and hired drivers, but the other 50 weeks I'm rattling around in a 6-year-old car and shouting, "Extra ketchup, please!" into the intercom at the drive-through. The only connection to the "beautiful people" I have is my weekly purchase of People magazine.
One day, however, I was thrust out of my humble, ordinary existence. One afternoon, out of the blue, I had a close encounter with one of the beautiful people.
It was a typical workday for me: Stare blankly at the computer monitor. Type a couple of words. Check e-mails. Eat chocolate. Repeat.
The phone rang. Typically I screen my calls so as to not distract myself from my daydreams and chocolate consumption, but for this afternoon I answered on the second ring.
"Hello! This is James Woods," said the voice on the other end of the phone. "The movie actor. Do you know who I am?"
I was understandably confused. First of all, I have to admit that movie stars don't call me every day. In fact, this was my very first call from a movie star. Secondly, I couldn't figure out why he was calling me. Was he trying to sell me something? Was James Woods the actor now James Woods the telemarketer? Had I missed the E! True Hollywood Story chronicling his downfall?
"My mother was reading the large-print edition of your book Bet Your Bottom Dollar," he continued, "and she was cackling so much that I asked her if I could read it, too. After I finished, I thought it would make a great movie. Have you ever thought about who would play some of the characters in your book?"
ME! I thought. I'm an actress! I played Anne Frank in the Augusta Players production of Diary of Anne Frank almost 20 years ago and I wowed the audience!
"Mr. Woods. It just so happens I have an acting background ..."
"I was think Meryl might be good for one of the parts," he interrupted.
"Meryl? As in Meryl Streep? Well, yes, I suppose she is probably a little more experienced than me."
Long story short, James Woods' people got in touch with my agent and the papers are being drawn up for the movie option. Ever since then, friends have been asking when I'll be buying a Greek island. Truthfully, the option money won't even buy me a vacant lot in Beech Island, but who knows what might happen if the project gets the green light. Hmmm. I wonder how much Crete is going for?
In the meantime, the closest I am to being in the movie business is paying my late fees at Hollywood Video, but I'll never forget the day I had my brush with greatness.
P.S. Bet Your Bottom Dollar is now in paperback and I'll be signing copies in Augusta at Borders on Saturday at 2 p.m.
AUGUSTA RESIDENT KARIN GILLESPIE IS THE AUTHOR OF BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR. SHE CAN BE REACHED THROUGH HER WEB SITE AT WWW.KARINGILLESPIE.COM.
