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Formalities require little effort

Web posted April 12, 1998

By Carson Elliott
Special Columnist

Dear Carson: My husband and I are invited to a formal dinner party at the home of one of our more elegant acquaintances. We have heard that they make a habit of using finger bowls at seated dinners. We lead a rather simple life and wonder if you might give us some pointers on finger -bowl etiquette.

Please address our query a.s.a.p. Thanks! -- Insecure Guests

Dear Insecure: Finger bowls are presented between the main course and the dessert course. If silverware is presented with the finger bowl and there is a doily beneath the bowl that is an indication that the plate will be used for a dessert that will be passed.

After using the finger bowl lift it and the doily and set them off above your place setting and to the left, in the position of the bread and butter plate, which should have been removed at this point.The proper way of using a finger bowl is to dip first the fingertips of one hand and then the fingertips of the other, to lightly blot the lips with the fingers and then to blot any excess dampness onto the napkin.

Never, never dip the fingers of both hands at once. It looks as if you are preparing to take a cat bath.

Dear Carson: Please address the issue of grooming at the table. My friend says it is improper for me to retouch my lipstick. I say it is permissible when it is done in an understated manner.

With whom do you agree? -- Pale Faced or Red Faced?

Dear Pale: It is all right for a woman to quickly put on a little lipstick, but to hold a mirror up and daub at the face for any length of time is not.

The most egregious taboo in grooming at the table is the comb one's hair or to clip one's nails. To run one's fingers through one's own hair or that of anyone else is not only in poor taste but unhygienic as well.

It may surprise you but I have witnessed diners committing all of the above offenses.

Dear Carson: In setting a table is it ever correct to place the soupspoon above the place setting, even if the soup is cold fruit soup? -- Just Wondering

Dear Just: A proper table setting should be like a good road map. It is an indication to the diner of which courses come and in what order.

The position above the place setting is reserved for dessert utensils, period. Ice teaspoons, soupspoons, teaspoons or any other utensils simply confuse the issue.

Have a question on etiquette? Ask Carson by calling INFOLINE at 442-4444 and pressing 4422. Write to Ask Carson, The Augusta Chronicle, P.O. Box 1928, Augusta, GA. Send e-mail to askcarson@mindspring.com