Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature .

-- Helen Keller

Mama called from Atlanta and asked straight out, "Would you be able to prove who you were if you lost all your identification?"

"Sure," I said, and told her about the time I was asked for ID when I cashed a check and simply pointed out my handsome mug shot on the newspapers stacked beside the cash register.

She didn't laugh, so I knew this was a serious call.

"Someone steal your purse?" I asked a bit more respectfully.

"My billfold," said the great-grandmother of one, grandmother of nine and mother of four.

"They catch him?"

"Not yet," she said. "He used the gas card and one of the credit cards within about 20 minutes. I don't know if we'll catch him now or not.

"Your daddy and I have been spending all our time talking to banks and credit card companies."

"You want me to come up there?" I asked. "I could help the police. My ball bat's in the trunk. And I know some guys who could ..."

"No," she said, "the policemen were very nice. Very sympathetic. I guess this is pretty common."

"How did it happen?" I asked.

"I unzipped my purse just for a moment trying to find some coupons and forgot to zip it back. Somebody just reached in and took my billfold. Got the credit cards, the driver's license, a little cash, my Social Security card, my medical cards."

"Do you need anything?" I asked. "Money, a credit card or two?"

"No, the bank offered that. Everyone's been pretty good about it. The bank, especially. They must do this an awful lot anymore.

"Social Security was nice, too, but I was on hold 23 minutes before a person took over the call."

"Who was the worst?" I asked.

"The department stores," she said, as though surprised. "I thought they would want to find out about illegal charges as soon as possible, but they put you on hold and transfer you around."

"Did you lose anything else?" I asked. "Do you want some new wallet photos of me?"

"No," she said, "I've still got plenty. But they did get my little phone book, so now I have to write down all the numbers again."

"That's good," I said. "Maybe he'll call some of the numbers. I'd love to talk to somebody who robs little old ladies."

"Save some time for your dad," my mother said. "He'd like to talk to him, too."

We both laughed for the first time.

"Put that on pay-for-view," I said, "and you'll make all your money back."