Not only are the shows drying up at the civic center, last week it looked like the alcohol was, too. And if there's ever been a need for a drink there, it's now because that place will definitely drive you to it.

The facility's caterer, Centerplate, was packing up to leave town Friday, taking their alcohol license with them, which left the James Brown Arena and Bell Auditorium high and dry. Wait! Excuse me. Not high. Just dry.

Anyway, at Tuesday's meeting, nobody really knew whether there would be pretzels and beer for upcoming shows and hockey games because no arrangements had been made for a caterer to take over Saturday. Besides, it takes about a month to get an alcohol license.

Manager Robert "Flash" Gordon let the Centerplate contract expire while authority members divided up into two camps -- those who wanted to fire him and those who didn't.

But members Keith Brown , Janice Jenkins , Freddie Sanders and Chairman Harry Moore went into overdrive last week and found a new caterer to come in Friday and start rattling pots and pans. Mr. Brown also got Brad Usry , the owner of Fat Man's Forest, to agree to use his caterer's one-day alcohol license for events to get them through the crisis.

MORE WOULD-BE SHERIFFS THAN THE LAW ALLOWS: At the commission retreat last week, Commissioner J.R. Hatney once again brought up the notion of creating a city police department. Commissioner Corey Johnson said most metro cities have a police and sheriff's department. He and Commissioner Calvin Holland said they should have someone answerable to them about crime because they have to answer to the people about it.

But Commissioner Jimmy Smith argued that all the people of the county elect a sheriff, but a police chief would probably be appointed by the commission, which would "bring in politics."

Shortly thereafter, Commissioner Jerry Brigham brought the discussion to a screeching halt when he said the people voted to make the sheriff the county's chief law enforcement officer.

"I've seen Richmond County try to establish a police department," Mr. Brigham said. "And everybody in office got thrown out."

IS THIS LAWYER A CHIEF, OR DOES THIS CHIEF NEED A LAWYER? If they do form a police department, Mr. Sanders, the former or current police chief, depending on who you ask, said they already have a chief, and all they have to do is give him some men and ammo.

"They never formally fired me," he said. "So I'm still technically chief."

When the police department was abolished in 1985, everything went back under the sheriff's office, and Mr. Sanders didn't even get a job.

"I just went away," he said.

So the commission would have to fire him, he said. Meanwhile, he's letting his back pay accrue.

"They owe back pay from around July 1985 up through today," he said. "I was making $36,000 a year. And when you figure in the interest and cost of living increases, I could retire."

By the way, Mr. Sanders is on the Coliseum Authority, and his first official act might have to be to arrest himself for selling alcohol without a license.

IT DOESN'T PASS THE SMELL TEST: I don't know why the commission had to meet at the convention center at USC Aiken for a retreat when they could have just walked across the street to the Old Government House, as they did last year.

That was rhetorical because I really do know. They wanted to try to get away from the media. How do I know that? Information and belief, as they say in criminal indictments.

If there's one thing governments and their agencies are consistent about, other than decreasing your purchasing power and increasing theirs, it's secrecy. And the more they say, "We have nothing to hide," the more they're hiding.

Governments are not above hiding, destroying and manufacturing records. I have even known officials who have literally, and I do mean literally, sat on federal court orders to buy time.

Take the McElmurrays' case to recoup losses caused by their land being poisoned by sludge from the city's wastewater treatment plant.

Last week, U.S. District Judge Anthony A. Alaimo blasted the city, the U.S. Department of Agriculture and the Environmental Protection Agency for the city's falsification of documents and the two federal agencies for buying into it.

We quote briefly from Judge Alaimo's ruling in the McElmurrays' favor.

"... Augusta manipulated its data by averaging lab results over several months in an attempt to reduce the levels of metals present in the sludge. A former supervisor of the Messerly Wastewater Treatment Plant, Allen Saxon , confirmed that this was the case.

"There is also evidence that the city fabricated data from its computer records in an attempt to distort its past sewage sludge applications. In January 1999, the city rehired Saxon to create a record of sludge applications that did not exist previously. Saxon prepared sludge spreadsheets in 1999 which showed cumulative loading calculations for the first time in the 20-year history of the city's land application program.

"Other evidence indicates that city officials altered the spreadsheets in 1999 in an attempt to remove any record of the application of hundreds of thousands of gallons of sludge to hundreds of acres on the McElmurrays' farm."

This happened before City Administrator Fred Russell , Mayor Deke Copenhaver or any of the current commissioners came on the scene. But Mr. Saxon is an assistant director in the city's utilities department.

BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE: Mr. Brigham called to correct me about stating in a news story that he was opposed to a dog park. He said he wasn't opposed to a dog park but didn't think it should be at the multimillion-dollar Botanical Gardens. He said he would like to see four dog parks throughout the county set aside for dogs only.

I said, "Well, it sounded like you were opposed when you brought in the health inspector to talk about worms and rabies. But I'll make it clear that you are not opposed to a dog park."

So there.

Commissioners are set to vote on the second reading of the dog park ordinance Tuesday, but there is one little problem with where they left the subject last week. One of the rules is that no one younger than 4 can be in the park on Sunday afternoons when the dogs will be there. However, the park will be open to the general public -- just as long as they don't come with a child younger than 4.

THIS PLUG'S FOR YOU, JIMMY: After Recreation Director Tom Beck had given commissioners the basic information about the dog park, they began to ask questions.

Mr. Smith said, "Tom, is there any way to distinguish a difference between a fire plug and a rose bush?"

Mr. Beck paused awhile and said, "I think I can."

"I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about the dogs," said Mr. Smith, the only one in the room who was not amused.

Mr. Beck started mumbling something incoherent.

ANOTHER GREAT AMERICAN: Commissioner Don and wife Carol's son Don A. "Dag" Grantham left Friday for Iraq. He's a major in the Air Force Reserves and an F-16 pilot. Mr. Grantham said a photo taken of his son walking down the concourse between his two sons, Clay, 8, and Chase, 4, holding their hands was enough to make a grown man cry.

ART IMITATES LIFE: While I was in Mr. Russell's office last week, the mayor came in and said he had a cute little story to tell about reading to a class at Episcopal Day School.

The name of the book was Duck for President, and Mr. Copenhaver held it up and made sure they understood it wasn't Deke for President .

The mayor said it was a story about a duck on a farm who thought he could run the farm better than the manager, so he lobbied for the job and got it and was so successful he ran for mayor of the town, then governor and president. Then he went back to the farm.

"Sounds like Bush," Mr. Russell quipped.

Reach Sylvia Cooper at (706) 823-3228 or sylvia.cooper@augustachronicle.com.