Secret ballots and statuettes bring a pre-show hush backstage at the Oscars

LOS ANGELES -- The first hush fell backstage on Sunday when two grim-faced accountants walked in, each toting a valise that contained Oscar night's surprises.

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Security guards flanked Gregory Garrison and Rick Rosas as they searched for their hiding spot in the green room, where Tom Hanks had arrived early to feast on snacks. One security guard turned to another and pointed at the briefcase.

"That'd be worth a bundle on eBay," he said.

It was 3:55 p.m, one hour and 35 minutes from showtime. Billy Crystal remained out of sight in his dressing room, while his team of comedy writers gathered in the hallway behind the stage.

Writer David Steinberg paced the room with three cigars stuffed in his jacket pocket. Asked if he planned to smoke them before after or during the worldwide telecast, he shrugged: "Not sure."

Soon another hush came over the small backstage group as Patrick Stockstill, a historian with the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, wheeled a cart with 51 glistening Oscars into the wings of the stage.

Meanwhile, Robin Williams arrived and immediately began cracking off-color jokes to anyone who would listen. Most of them involved Janet Jackson, her breast and the Super Bowl.

As presenter Owen Wilson walked into the green room in shirtsleeves, Hanks stopped him like the world's most famous hall monitor.

"Where's your jacket," he demanded.

"I left it downstairs," Wilson said, hesitantly.

"Oh," Hanks said, eyeing him with mock suspicion before giving him the go-ahead.

Marc Shaiman, who was in charge of orchestrating Crystal's musical comedy bit, approached the group of joke writers and asked, "Is this where the funny starts?"

"No," Steinberg told him. "This is where it stops."

"Oh yeah," Shaiman deadpanned. "I guess the yuks stop here."

Everyone groaned.

In addition to the comedy, there was also some drama. Jim Carrey and his entourage huddled with Oscar telecast producer Joe Roth over last-minute changes to the speech introducing honorary Oscar winner Blake Edwards. The usually buoyant Carrey was all business as they slashed lines from the script.

Crystal emerged from his dressing room, sipping a glass of water with lemon. He grouped his writers together in a circle. They put their hands in the middle and wished each other a good show before breaking apart.

Crystal paced backstage in the shadows, preparing for his monologue by blowing air between his lips and making a "yo-yyy, yo-yyy" sound to work his vocal chords.

With one minute left to go, he watched a television screen showing "Access Hollywood" commentator Billy Bush grabbing celebrities out of their seats for interviews in ABC's preshow telecast.

"This is the most annoying man in show business," Crystal said to no one in particular.

He shared a few whispered words with Sean Connery, who introduced the telecast, and watched some of his own videotaped comedy montage as the show began. Crystal didn't laugh - although others around him were cracking up.

Seconds later, he was onstage, finally smiling, greeting the waves of applause.

On the Net:

http://www.oscars.org

--From the Monday, March 1, 2004 online edition of the Augusta Chronicle