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Gerry Nail (seated in middle) presents a family with some Christmas presents while Celia McWee (standing) and Lorene Green look on. The three women are part of a support group for families of people who are incarcerated.Steve Shelton/Staff

Group helps families get Beyond the Bars

Web posted January 5, 1997

 Beyond the Bars

By Lori Wiechman
Staff Writer

A worried, heartbroken mom appears with her child at a hearing to find out how long he'll spend in prison.

With her are two women who have gone through the same emotional trauma and want to support the mother.

The scene is a frequent one for members of Beyond the Bars, a local support group for the families of incarcerated people.

An average of 15 people, mostly women, meet the first and third Thursday of every month to talk about their struggles and find ways to cope with their situation.

Between those meetings, members bring gifts to families, sit with them in court, visit relatives in prison and share their frustrations and pain.

``There is no way that I can prepare Christmas dinner and pass out gifts with my other family members and for it to be the kind of Christmas it used to be,'' said Gerry Nail, whose son was sentenced to life in prison in 1989.

Ms. Nail founded Beyond the Bars in February because she yearned to talk to people who understood her situation. Some of her family members and friends withdrew after her son was sent to prison, and she felt like they considered her a criminal, too.

``The whole experience was so humiliating. I was trying to find someone to talk to about the hopelessness and separation we felt from everyone and everything we had valued,'' Ms. Nail said.

After talking with her pastor, Rich Bowen of New Hope Church of God, and other close friends, she considered starting the group, although she knew it would be emotionally draining. She spread the word through churches, and the confidential group grew.

``When I started this support group, it's then that I discovered I wasn't imagining anything. People came in, saying the same things I did,'' she said. ``That allowed me the ability to cope a little more and a little better.''

In December, Ms. Nail met with people from similar organizations in Colorado Springs, Colo., to learn how the group can get involved in Network For Life, a franchise of support groups for families and ex-convicts.

Mental health expert Bill Johnson, who had a family member in prison, joined the Beyond the Bars group to share what he learned about the prison system.

``I would hope we could get people to become aware of what's happening in the prison system now,'' said Mr. Johnson, who usually leads the group discussions.

Psychologists and other experts often act as guest speakers. The meetings open with a prayer for prison workers, the victim's family and the incarcerated person's family. The format is relaxed, but tears often flow as family members share their stories.

``They're going to find out they're not alone,'' Mr. Johnson said. ``One of the greatest things you can do when you have a trauma is to talk to someone and vent.''

Beyond the Bars

When: 7-8:30 p.m. on first and third Thursdays of the month
Where: Summerville Building, adjacent to St. Joseph Hospital, in Classroom 1.
How much: Free
Phone: 481-7000