'Bye, Liberty -- hello, Nanny

With deepest regret, we must inform you that Mr. Liberty has decided to check into hospice care.

Mr. Liberty was conceived in America more than two centuries ago and prospered robustly for more than 150 years. Then, what appeared to be just a minor cold slowly grew into full-blown pneumonia. Just as it seemed he would not recover, in 1980, he was enrolled in a fiscal fitness program. This led to a two-decade-long recovery, but, alas, it was only temporary. Although his energy levels had increased, his calorie intake had increased even more.

Four years ago, Mr. Liberty had to be placed on life support.

Mr. Liberty’s duties will be immediately assumed by Ms. Nanny. For the past century, Ms. Nanny has honed her craft in Europe, Asia, Africa and South America. Ms. Nanny promises she will bring all the success she has experienced in those locations to our great land.

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