Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

No one missed their calling

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If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

Video: Kirby's Augusta
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– H. L. Mencken

Thank goodness Election Day is here; maybe we’ll finally get some relief from those infuriating candidate “robocalls” that our self-serving lawmakers seem to think should be exempt from their joke of a “no-call” list.

Does anyone running for office really think it’s a good idea to have a smarmy recording “call” a person’s home and brag? If some consultant talked you into that, you’re too dumb to be trusted with my vote.

Besides, most people I know have turned down the answering machine ringer on their home phone and generally ignore those calls, figuring the people who matter will call your cellphone.

This has generally worked at my house, although we did miss a call from the vet notifying us that a prescription was ready for one of our beloved little white dogs.

He’s been growling a lot lately, so if you’re campaigning for office, I wouldn’t advise walking into our yard.

THANK YOU: To the really big lunch crowd at First Baptist last week. Good lunch. Nice people. And vice versa.

I told some of my old history stories from my “Kirby’s Augusta” videos, and Marvin Jones came up afterward and asked if I could look up the front-page fire story about his furniture store in 1979. It helped that he had the date, so I could e-mail him a copy of it.

I was also given a six-pack of Ale 8, the favored ginger ale of central Kentucky, and a favorite of my many, many Bluegrass cousins. It is the favored beverage of wedding receptions, backyard cookouts and even funeral wakes.

THIS WEEK’S VIDEO: Why is Augusta called the Garden City? I tell you in my latest YouTube video and explain the story of Julia Lester Dillon.

YOUR MAIL: A postcard from Doug, Mary and Evelyn reports the Aiken residents are having a great time in Haiti, Jamaica and Cozumel, Mexico. Meanwhile, Margaret Jewett Taylor and Norman Taylor send a card from Key West, Fla., where they toured the Hemingway Museum and Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville.

TODAY’S JOKE: It was only three days before the wedding. The bride called her mother with some bad news.

“Mom,” she said, “I just found out that my fiance’s mother has bought the exact same dress as you to wear to the wedding.”

The bride’s mother thinks for a minute.

“Don’t worry,” she tells her daughter. “I’ll just go and buy another dress to wear to the ceremony.”

“But mother,” says the bride, “that dress cost a fortune. It’s such a waste not to use it.”

“Who said I won’t use it?” her mother said. “I’ll just wear it to the rehearsal dinner.”


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