Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

Finding your own tartan

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Any self-respecting Scot knows that a good tartan is the solution to everything.

Video: Kirby's Augusta
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– Trisha Telep

Congratulations to the kilt-wearing University of South Carolina students, professors and – I guess – athletes. You now have an official registered tartan.

The garnet-and-black plaid design was announced this week and dubbed “Old Cocky.” It is officially listed in the Scottish Register of Tartans as the school’s official tartan.

But that “official listing” got me to wondering ... Do I have an officially registered “Kirby” tartan?

It turns out that I do ... and I bet you do, too.

When I Googled mine, I discovered it is a tasteful green-and-blue pattern. Very nice. I have since asked my wife whether she might order me a proper kilt for the approaching warmer days of spring. And possibly bagpipe lessons.

AUGUSTA HONOR: I thought I should mention Ella Gertrude Clanton Thomas, an Augusta woman known for her Civil War-era diaries in addition to her later promotion of women’s rights, has been honored by the Georgia Women of Achievement in Macon.

Thomas is best known for the extensive journal she kept of her life before, during and after the Civil War, an edited version of it was published in 1990 under the title The Secret Eye.

JUST SHARING: Murphy’s 10 Laws of Combat

• If the enemy is in range, so are you.

• If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

• Incoming fire has the right of way.

• Don’t look conspicuous; it draws fire.

• There is always a way. The easy way is always mined.

• Try to look unimportant; they might be low on ammo.

• Professionals are predictable; it’s the amateurs who are dangerous.

• The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: When you’re ready for them. And when you’re not ready for them.

• Never draw fire,; it irritates everyone around you.

• Never forget that your government-issued weapon is made by the lowest bidder.

TODAY’S JOKE: Jim Hope, of Sylvania, shares this one.

A young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had enough.

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “It’s a bet!

Morris grabbed the wheelbarrow handles.

Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get in.”

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crkgrdn 03/28/14 - 11:58 am
The Kilt

Wearing a kilt in Augusta is limited by the heat and humidity. The kilt is made of heavy wool. The weight of the wool has three purposes. This article of clothing is basic survival gear for the Scottish Highlands. Dampened and rolled in heather it becomes a great blanket for the night. The weight prevents it from being blown about in strong breezes. And, lastly, the weight allows the pleats to swing gracefully.
And, a last note. I expect the kilt will return. Throughout the majority of history men have worn kilts of some kind. Also, observe that only in Scotland (The Promised Land) can men and women chase skirt while enjoying "The Water of Life," whisky (Scotch).

Best Wishes to You Bill and Much Thanks for Making Augustans Aware of Their Great Story,

John Barney
Professor of History
GR University-Augusta

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