– Richard Armour
Tammy Ray, of North Augusta, had me in mind. I have made no secret of my practice of taking green spray paint to improve the appearance of dying yard plants, and she sent along a page from an outdoor catalog that goes a step further – plastic outdoor plants.
“Saw this in a catalog and thought of you,” she wrote.
Well, let me tell the rest of you, plastic plants cost more than real ones – $59.99 for a fake Japanese holly or a faux boxwood.
(Between you and me, I could buy a whole lot of green spray paint for $59.99.)
THANK YOU: I really need to thank Paul and Diane James, of Grovetown, who shared so much of their recent travels by sending me a thick packet of beautiful postcards acquired during their 50th (Congratulations!) wedding anniversary trip through Europe and the British Isles.
“It was a fantastic trip filled with beautiful, rugged scenery ... memories to last a lifetime,” they wrote.
I believe it. The cards are beautiful.
MORE MAIL: They weren’t the only ones to send autumn postcards. Rhea Markowitz was finishing up a November trip to New England to celebrate her mom’s 93rd birthday (and cheer on the Red Sox).
Barry and Lynn Martin, of Jackson, found gorgeous beaches in Cozumel, Mexico. Pat and Wayne Fuller, of North Augusta, sent postcards from the Grand Canyon and Palm Springs. Richard Noegel drove to Richmond, Va., for a meeting of the Jamestown Society. And Carl and Polly Schutte, of North Augusta, sent a card from Italy with a full report, including “they drive worse here than in Augusta.”
TODAY’S JOKE: Here’s one from the always observant Robert Symms.
A good ol’ boy won a bass boat in a raffle.
“What are you gonna do with that?” his wife asked, when he brought it home. “There ain’t no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.”
“Well, I won it and I’m a gonna keep it,” he answered.
A brother heard about the boat and came to see it the next day. He saw the wife on the porch and asked where his brother was.
“He’s out there in his bass boat,” she said sarcastically, pointing to the field behind the house.
The brother headed out back, where he saw his brother seated in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand in the middle of a big field.
“What are you doing?” he yelled.
“I’m fishin’,” his brother yelled back. “What does it look like I’m a doing?”
His brother shook his head.
“It’s people like you that give us country folks a bad name,” he yelled. “If I could swim, I’d come out there and give you what for!”