He who excuses himself, accuses himself.
– Gabriel Meurier
One of the hazards of having your picture in the paper on a regular basis is that people recognize you in public.
That’s what happened last week when I was in the grocery line.
Things were moving slowly, so I was passing the time reading the tabloids in the checkout racks.
In particular there was one that featured celebrities in bikinis. You know the one, where they cover the face and have you guess who it is?
Well, I was intently focused on solving this bathing suit mystery, thumbing deliberately through the pages, trying to find the answer because they never put it where you would think.
A woman came up and said, “Mr. Kirby, I do so enjoy your writings in the newspaper …”
I looked up, and then she saw the tabloid in my hands.
A trace of disappointment seemed to flit across her face.
“It’s for my wife,” I whispered quickly but confidentially. “She can’t read enough about the royal family.”
YOUR MAIL: Butch and Mary Gay, Bob and Sylvia Stevens, Billy and Francis Stevens, and David and Jeanette Simpson are having a “great time” in Myrtle Beach, S.C.
Pat and Wayne Fuller, of North Augusta, sent a nice card from Mississippi. An unsigned card touts the diverse interests of Indonesia. And Marilyn Moore and daughter Sheryl say goodbye to summer from New Hampshire.
“Had a great trip,” they write, “but there is no place like home.”
TODAY’S JOKE: Here’s a car story that The Chronicle’s Glynn Moore received from Wayne Wilke in his car contest:
In the early 2000s, a fortysomething, newly made multimillionaire in the dot-com market retired to a life of luxury. He bought several expensive classic sports cars and decided to buy a huge mansion to live in.
The mansion needed some modernizing, so he decided to hire a full-time handyman to help in the makeover. He put an ad in the newspaper with his requirements for a handyman who was proficient in carpentry, electrical and plumbing work, general repairs and painting.
The first candidate showed up for the hiring process, which consisted of an interview and then the candidate performing a task that would be evaluated for quality and efficiency. The interview went well, and the mansion owner then gave the handyman a 5-gallon bucket of gray paint and a paint brush and asked him to paint the porch out back.
The handyman returned in what seemed to be too little time to complete the painting task.
When asked, “Did you complete the painting task already?” the handyman replied: “Yup, but I hate to tell you, that ain’t a Porsche; it’s a Ferrari.”