Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

Kirby: Dogs and hogs make the weekend

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I think it’s great when writers get recognition... I just don’t want that writer to be me.

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– Diablo Cody

It was a weekend of dogs and hogs. The dogs were all around on Saturday at the Church of the Holy Com­forter during its annual Blessing of the Animals.

I took my younger little white dog for a little faith healing, which was certainly needed.

Please understand that my puppy will bark long and loud at dogs she sees outside through our front windows, but get her out in the real world with some larger canine colleagues and she becomes so shy that she shivers.

So we went far to the back of the pack and waited from a distance while she watched as I held her.

The Rev. Cynthia Taylor was kind enough to calm her the rest of the way down.

As for the hogs, I heard from many after my Sunday column about the October 1981 Columbia County wild boar adventure.

In fact, Frank Toole told me so many hair-raising, hog-raising stories from his youth in Emanuel and Jenkins counties that I’m now scared of bacon.

Hogs are nearly as cuddly as porky or as funny as the pig in the GEICO commercials.

MORE VIDEOS: A century ago this summer, the famous Leo Frank murder case in Atlanta put Georgia in national headlines.

Although convicted (and most think falsely), Frank had his sentence commuted by the governor following the brilliant presentation of a new attorney – William Marcellus Howard, of Augusta.

Kirby’s Augusta video on augustachronicle.com will tell you all about it this largely forgotten Augusta congressman’s remarkable legal efforts.

TODAY’S JOKE: Here’s one from Billy Cooper, of North Augusta:

It seems that after 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came in for counseling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”

“Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I go fishing.”

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mad consumer
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mad consumer 10/01/13 - 11:24 am
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Geico pig

I am surprised you find this pig amusing considering the company promotes bestiality. In at least three commercials the pig is in a romantic situation with a woman. my wife and I are not prudes but a pig and a woman in a romantic implication is disgusting.

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