100-watt bulbs are nowhere to be found

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Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

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A: None. It turned itself in.

I was at Mama’s the other weekend for breakfast and watched in wonder as my parents divvied up their morning medications in a ritual now regular as meal grace.

I noticed it was tough to see all those little pills and vitamins in their little plastic containers and remarked, “That light’s too dim,” while looking up at the one over the table.

“We know,” I was told. “We just can’t get one any brighter. The store doesn’t carry 100-watt bulbs anymore.”

I assured them I would see about that, and imagine my surprise when I found they were correct.

Regular round, 100-watt bulbs have pretty much vanished from the common store shelves of America.

Now I know why, too. I looked it up and found the 2007 Energy Independence and Security Act is behind all this, trying to make things more energy-efficient.

Great.

But I’m not sure that will be the desired result. I advised my parents to get two lights instead of one so they can see better at the kitchen table.

BULB JOKES: The best part about looking up efficiency ratings for light bulbs on the Internet is that search engines keep finding “light bulb jokes.”

My favorite still remains this multiple choice one:

Q. How many SRS engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Two: One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.

B. Five: One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable – but functional – hand grip and one to use all this equipment.

C: None: They simply redefine darkness as a government standard.

D. Seven: One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one.

YOUR MAIL: Jean Hamilton, of North Augusta, and Michael Hamilton, of Evans, send a postcard from Hawaii where the weather is “perfect.”

(Just like here, folks!)

TODAY’S JOKE: Here’s another one from Everett Fernandez:

At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas. After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.

“Say, is this really a healthy place?” Bill asked.

“It sure is,” the man replied.

“When I first arrived here, I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn’t have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed.”

“That’s wonderful!” said Bill. “How long have you been here?”

“I was born here,” the man said.


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