Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

Let's just avoid what we find offensive

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The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

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– Abraham Lincoln

I was at the dentist’s office catching up on my magazine reading when I came across a small notice in the bottom of the Sports Illustrated mail page: “If You Do Not Want The Swimsuit Issue” it said in a red headline.

Beneath it was this notice: “The annual SI Swimsuit issue will be published in February. If you’re a subscriber and would prefer not to receive it, call our customer service center … and let us know.”

For those of you who are not aware, Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue comes out each winter and features a bunch of attractive women in very small bathing suits.

It is, I am told, quite popular.

Over the years, however, it has attracted complaints from preachers, feminists and middle school librarians who can’t keep the issue from vanishing.

I shall not attempt to address those complaints, other than to express sympathy for the librarians. But I will admit I am intrigued by a publication offering to skip a customer if they might be offended by something they expect to publish.

Why stop with swimsuits?

News magazines could offer to not send you any issue featuring mass shootings or storm damage.

Financial publications could quit sending out issues dealing with stock slumps and gold purchases.

Food magazines could hold back the issues that feature roughage recipes.

The possibilities are endless, and our sheltered world will no doubt be a happier place.

CHURCH BULLETIN MISTAKES: Shared by Bill Wood:

• The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

• Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

• The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

• The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours’

TODAY’S JOKE: At first, I didn’t understand this one:

My uncle Bill was a staunch conservative, and voted straight Republican until the day he died in Chicago.

Since then he has voted Democrat.


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