Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

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Christmas waves a magic wand over this world.

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– Norman Vincent Peale

If you’re like me, you were distressed to find some Christmas card stragglers in the mailbox yesterday. You know, cards from people you didn’t expect to send one.

Well, it’s too late to respond in kind before Tuesday, so let me help.

I have composed an updated 2012 Family Christmas newsletter for you to e-mail back to them. I’ve even given you suggestions to fill in the blanks.

Just copy and fill in the appropriate response.

I’m just glad I could make your holiday easier.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS from the (your family name here).

Well, if you haven’t heard, (husband’s name) has been (A. elected B. indicted C. released on his own recognizance). None of us were surprised.

He is, after all, known for making (A. promises B. excuses C. alibis), as most of you know. Perhaps you have seen him on (A. TV commercials B. The People’s Court C. the post office bulletin board).

As you might guess, (son’s name) can be found at the computer, where he enjoys (A. playing games B. changing his grades C. stealing identities).

We think he shows a real future in (A. engineering B. sales C. crime).

All his teachers say he is a (A. class act B. class clown C. clown).

Our outgoing (daughter’s name) has been involved in a number of school and civic projects.

Anyone can tell you that she’ll usually be found asking (A. her teachers for more work B. her parents for more money C. strangers for rides).

We think she’s leaning toward (A. early graduation B. early matrimony C. early probation).

Remember Snuggles, our pet (A. dog B. cat C. monkey)?

Last month, she gave us (A. puppies B. kittens C. a call from the zoo).

If you haven’t visited in a while, you’ll be glad to know we finally got our (A. home B. trailer C. lake house) fixed up, so it now features (A. electricity B. plumbing C. a roof).

You’ve got to see it before (A. the holidays end B. rent comes due C. the weather turns cold).

Despite her own busy schedule, (wife’s name) has found time to make (A. fruitcake B. sense of it all C. a run for the border).

In fact, she barely had a chance to mail this Christmas newsletter before (A. her volunteer shift at the hospital B. falling asleep on the couch C. entering the witness protection program).

Still, she couldn’t let this season pass before wishing you all “Happy (A. holidays!” B. trails!” C. hour!”).


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