Bill KirbyOnline news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

Christmas request brings gifts of laughter

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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

– Phyllis Diller

I asked for your Christ­mas jokes to brighten up the season, and you filled up my mailbox.

Here are some more shared by readers.

A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve, and it was packed.

As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see that her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do.

Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, he said, “Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?”

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, “Yes, I remember that jewelry store.”

“Well,” he said, “I’m in the bar right next to it.”

– Paul C. Reviere

My wife bought a red leather dress for Christmas. When she came into the room, my heart went pitter-patter, my head got swimmy and my knees got weak. Then I realized why that was ... She smelled like a new truck!

– Dr. Van B. Haywood

My brother called from home, and he tells me they were serving eggs Benedict on hubcaps – because there’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

– Ken Maleck

The Russian man and his wife were out walking when she commented, “I believe it is going to snow!”

The husband replied, “No, it is going to rain!”

She said, “Rudy, I really believe it will snow!”

Whereas her husband said, “No, Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!”

– Robert Symms, Sally McKibben

I would like to share a personal experience with my closest friends about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from an occasional social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had a couple of cocktails and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I might have been slightly over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before – I took a cab home.

Sure enough, I passed a police roadblock, but since it was a cab they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise because I have never driven a cab before, and I am not sure where I got it or what to do with it now that it’s in my garage.

Happy holidays! Be safe!

– Charlie Williams

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rdillenb 12/21/12 - 11:55 am

The last joke seemed familiar because it was in your column just a few days ago. But even the second time around, it was funny! Best wishes Richard Dillenbeck

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