Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

Pen or sword? Apparently, neither is used anymore

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There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

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– Bill Cosby

I’ve got a problem.

I was writing some notes inside Christmas cards over the weekend when I made a startling discovery.

My handwriting is no longer legible.

Somewhere between Miss Lea’s third-grade cursive script lessons and a 40-year career of typing, my dexterity had diminished into a personal shorthand that defies deciphering.

I have no excuses. My father, now in his 80s, still writes with an almost elegant cursive. Unfortunately, my own calligraphy resembles Sanskrit. That must be why, I suppose, I print a lot more of the things I write anymore.

I don’t think I’m alone because handwriting is not used as often as it once was.

In fact, I work with a room full of communication-challenged scribblers. Usually this doesn’t matter because we talk a lot, and when we communicate otherwise, we text and type and e-mail.

But sometimes you get that odd bit of ink-scratching scrawled on a Post-It Note and you resort to showing it to your fellow code-breakers, asking, “Anybody know what this says?”

So, if you get a card from me this holiday, accept that it’s an expression of friendship, not a ransom note.

Or a grocery list.

I NEED YOUR HELP: If you know Sandy or “Bucky” Gulley, ask if they would give me a call (or send an e-mail or even a postcard.) We found some personal effects, perhaps 10 or 15 years old, in a seldom used newsroom desk and would like to return them.

OTHERS NEED YOUR HELP, TOO: Kent Kronowski asks that I let you know that Augusta-area podiatrists are conducting a shoe collection drive of new and used shoes which will be distributed to those in need. Donations may be brought to your Augusta podiatrist’s office through Jan. 4. All types of shoes are needed regardless of size, condition or type.

YOUR MAIL: Ruth Husfelt, of Augusta, sends a nice postcard from New Orleans. “We also traveled to San Antonio, enjoying our holiday,” she writes.

And Alan and Nelda Boettcher spent Thanksgiving in Ogden, Utah, with their son and his wife. “Such amazing scenery is difficult to describe,” they write.

TODAY’S CHRISTMAS JOKE: I asked for Christmas jokes, and you quickly responded. Here’s one from Everett Fernandez.

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus all got into the elevator of a hotel. As the traveled from the fifth floor down to the ground level, one-by-one they noticed a $500 bill on the floor. Which one picked up the $500 and handed it to Lost and Found in the lobby? Santa, of course. The other two don’t actually exist!


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