Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

Mysterious opening could be key to cleaning out the garage

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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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– Winston Churchill

It’s a mystery.

My house and the neighbor’s across the street were built about the same time 20 years ago. We are both the original owners and remain the best of friends.

But in the past week, we’ve shared a new connection. Our automatic garage-door openers will now open either garage door.

The first time it happened to my wife. She came home and our garage door was up. She thought perhaps either she or I had forgotten to punch the remote button and close it.

The next day, she was standing in the front yard watching the dog on a potty break, when our neighbor drove up … and both garages opened.

They began to talk and share notes and then experimented with their separate remote buttons. Both seemed to work on the other … although not every time.

“What should we do?” my wife asked me later. “The garage might accidentally open when no one is paying attention and somebody could come in and take stuff from our garage!”

“We should encourage it,” I said forcefully.

“In fact, we should go to the grocery and get some cardboard boxes for them in case they can’t grab enough of it. It’s the best idea we’ve had in years to clean out the garage.”

She was not amused, so I thought it best to retreat.

I went out, got in the car and spent the next 30 minutes driving around the neighborhood, pushing my remote to see if worked on anyone else’s garage. So far it hasn’t but … we’ll see.

I’ve got some boxes in the trunk in case it does.

TODAY’S JOKE: This holiday special comes from Bill and Richie and a few others.

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Pop, what are you talking about?!” the son yells.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts. “I’ll take care of this!”

She calls her father immediately. “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?”

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “OK,” he says, “they’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way. What are we going to do for Christmas?”


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