Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

Not all headlines work

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Doctors bury their mistakes, we publish ours.

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– Journalism saying

When you work for a newspaper, people are always sending you examples of bad journalism. Often it’s something you wrote, but mostly it’s something published somewhere else that they found amusing.

Such is the case of “R.” Keely, who passed along more than a dozen newspaper clippings from around the country that had the most entertaining of headlines. Let me share some with you:

• “Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25”

• “Rally against apathy draws small crowd”

• “Total lunar eclipse will be broadcast live on Northwoods Public Radio”

• “Barbershop singers bring joy to school for deaf”

• “Bridges help people cross rivers”

• “City unsure why the sewer smells”

• “Homicide victims rarely talk to police”

• “County to pay $250,000 to advertise lack of funds”

• “Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons”

• “Miracle cure kills fifth patient”

THANK YOUS: I had a wonderful time Monday night with the Bethel Methodist Men’s Club and others at Wesley Chapel Methodist on the other side of Beech Island. After a tasty steak-and-baked-potato dinner, I shared a few stories, then offered to cut my remarks short so everyone could get home to watch the presidential candidates debate on TV.

“Keep talking,” said a voice in the back. So I did.

(Did we miss anything?)

The surprise of my visit came when I left the church and walked outside into the darkest dark I’ve been in for a long time. You forget how dark night is until you get out in the country away from the street and house lights.

DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS: Corky Hollo­way and his family sent a Smoky Mountains postcard from North Carolina, not Tennessee, as I reported Tuesday. My apologies.

TODAY’S JOKE: Here’s one from Seth Benson:

A couple was shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her cellphone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, the husband answered, “Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?”

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, “Yes, I remember that jewelry store.”

“Well,” the husband said, “I’m in the bar right next to it.”

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shrimp for breakfast
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shrimp for breakfast 10/26/12 - 10:51 am
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HAHA!!!

I absolutely laughed out loud at the funny headlines.

Now Bill in the Chronicle a couple of years ago I was reading the obits and one was about the passing of a man of thirtysomething.
I realize you all don't write the obits but this one said So And So went to be with Jesus in Fresno California.
I told my wife if she was looking for Jesus I knew where he was!

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