Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

My phone isn't always very smart

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If you don’t know who the patsy is, you’re the patsy.

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– Tom Toles

On a day set aside for misfortune, let me confess I have been having some Friday the 13th bad luck with my “Smarty Phone.”

Because it operates with a “touch” screen and not the little ridged “buttons” to push, I am constantly calling or redialing the last person I talked to. I know this because soon after concluding my conversation, I put the phone away. Then I get that oddest of modern situations, the sound of a faint voice calling my name from a pants pocket.

If I fish out the phone in time, they will demand, “Why did you call me back?”

“I didn’t,” I’ll protest, but then begin to figure out that I had somehow brushed a “redial” function.

Of course, that’s not the worst thing that can happen. Earlier this week, someone in my family rushed off to a dentist appointment with instructions to text his mother when he got there.

He did. Or thought he did, texting: “At the dentist, love you.”

His text, however, mistakenly went to another female in his phone’s memory menu, who I am told was surprised at the sudden
expression of affection.

TRAVEL POSTCARD SURPRISES: Greg and Teresa Brooks and 30 other Augustans spent their last day in Europe at England’s Windsor Castle.

Walter and Dana Johnson, of Grovetown, sent a postcard from Bora Bora showing the attractive welcoming committee. They were celebrating their fifth anniversary.

Steve and Christina, of Evans, who also like to collect postcards (pushing 1,000, they say), sent a card from the Smithsonian National Postal Museum.

The Links, Inc., of Augusta, sent a card from an Orlando convention. Beverly Tarver is president and Lucinda Sullivan and Joyce Jones also attended. The Links are black women who provide scholarships and service to the Augusta community.

And my good friend (and everyone’s good friend) Jack Maffett, of Sandersville, sent a postcard showing General Custer’s tombstone at the site of his famous Last Stand at the Little Bighorn.

TODAY’S JOKE: Speaking of travels elsewhere, Lowell Fritsche shares the headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah. Here are his five rules for a man’s happy life as he indicated on his monument:

1. It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It’s important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn’t lie to you.

4. It’s important to have a woman who is (romantic), and likes to be with you.

5. It’s very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.


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