Bill Kirby

Online news editor for The Augusta Chronicle.

Amusing yourself is as easy as counting

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– The boss

Life counts and I count it back.

When I come in early or go home late (common in my line of work) the streets of Garden City are fairly clear. So I keep amused by keeping score. I count the green lights.

Although I don’t follow the same route every day, the one I frequent most has 27 opportunities for me to catch a red light between my country estate and the grand and historic News Building on Broad Street.

They say that if you maintain the posted speed limit and drive responsibly you will almost always cruise through every intersection, hitting the greens with little problem.

That’s pretty much right – I hit 20 of 27 Thursday.

In fact, I find I usually hit all the reds at the beginning when I’m trying to make it over to the main roads, or at the end as I negotiate the streets downtown.

I have never completed my route without stopping at least once, although I have come close.

It was a late night/early morning many years ago, probably after an election, and I was about halfway home before it dawned on me that I had yet to stop.

The traffic lights before me, as far as I could see, were glowing green.

“I’m gonna make it,” I thought to myself.

And I almost did. But about a mile from the house, the light ahead inexplicably turned yellow and then red just as I pulled up to face it.

“One day,” I thought, “nothing will stop me.”

FOUR-LEAF LOVERS: My Tuesday revelation that I had found a healthy patch of four-leaf clovers in my back yard brought this remembrance from Harriett Roney.

“I lived on a farm when I was a little girl,” she wrote. “Our pastures and yards were prolific with clover AND honey bees. When I found a four-leaf clover, my greatest wish was that I avoid stepping on a honey bee, whose stinger inflicted great pain on my bare feet.

“If I found a four-leaf clover today, I’d wish its protection and good luck against the stings that can occur in life.”

And regular reader Mary Farris, who shares my affinity for reruns of the old Peter Gunn TV detective show, called to say she has been able to grow pots of four-leaf clovers.

Like me, however, she’s still trying to figure out how to cultivate their luck.

TODAY’S JOKE: Billy Cooper, of North Augusta, shares this gem.

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.

“Here is the situation,” she said. “A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?”

A little girl raised her hand and asked, “To draw out all his savings?”

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